This Love | ✓

Part 42

"Did she ever contact you after that?" Jason asked about my mother.

"No, and I don't want her to," I said, tracing the lines in his palm with my index finger. "There's nothing left to say, I guess."

Jason delved into silence, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation. I studied his face, trying to gauge his thoughts. I waited for him to speak up, but even after several frustrating minutes, his silence remained unbroken.

"Jason?" I called in a whisper. "What are you thinking?"

"I get it now," he said slowly, his head bowed.

"Get what?"

"I know why you think we should break up," he said.

What? How could he possibly know?

I swallowed. "You do?"

Jason turned to me. His eyes were shaded as though the lights behind them had gone out. 

"Your dad made a big sacrifice to move to the UK for your mother. He went through a lot to make it happen, but his marriage ended in heartbreak for him," he said, taking my hands in his. "And you got hurt, too. You think this will happen to us."

"No, this has nothing to do with my parents," I exclaimed, my eyes wide with denial and incredulity.

"Do you remember how you asked me if I thought about the sacrifices I'd have to make for you?" Jason demanded, shaking his head. "Leena, you're afraid that I'll regret making that choice and hold it against you. You think that we'll start fighting all the time because of it."

My heart thumped unevenly, Jason's words ringing in my ears, crowding my mind. The realisation that his conclusion could be right hit me like a harsh blow to the chest.

It'll get ugly.

I squirmed in my seat as I wondered, Is it because of my parents that Chris's words affected me so? Because I had seen things grow bitter between them? 

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I don't know."

"I'm so sorry," Jason sighed, his fingers brushing against my lips in a whisper of a touch. A look of utter defeat fell across his handsome features as he said, "I don't know how to make your hurt go away. I wish I could erase all your fears. All I can do is assure you that I would never hold anything against you. I can only promise you that I won't hurt you like that. But I'm afraid that this isn't enough. Is it, Leena?"

My vision blurred as hot tears filled my eyes. I wanted to end Jason's pain and distress. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him that he was more than enough.

Those temptations vanished when I realised that my parents had promised each other all that and more when they chose to marry. Yet, circumstances had forced them to break their vows, their marriage crumbling to dust. What had once been a beautiful relationship turned into something dysfunctional and unpleasant.

I can't let that happen to us.

My silence was a loud, clear answer to Jason's question. He dipped his head in sufferance.

"I'm so sorry," I said thickly, sliding my palms around his neck. "But it has to be this way."

Jason raised his head to look at my tear-stained cheeks. The proximity of his soft lips was an irrefutable invitation. I surged forward until our mouths connected. His hands inched around my waist in an uncontrollable impulse, bringing our bodies closer.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I kissed Jason with lies on my lips and love in my heart.