This Love | ✓

Part 44

"Why don't you see if a good movie is playing?" Claire suggested, pulling her shoulder-length hair into a simple bun.

The muscles in my neck protested in agony as I raised my head to the TV, aimlessly flipping through channels. My fingers froze when I landed on a channel that was playing a romantic comedy film. The male lead was chasing his love interest across a beach, the waves lapping at their heels. He wrapped his arms around her waist, laughing hysterically as their bodies crashed into the water.

"You want to watch that?" Claire asked casually, oblivious to the blood roaring in my ears. 

"N-no," I stuttered, my fingers fumbling over the remote control to switch to another channel.

But it was too late. No matter how many channels I skipped, I couldn't bring myself to think about anything other than Jason. I was vaguely aware of Claire watching me in confusion as memory after memory washed over me. 

Frustrated, I raked my palms down my sleep-deprived face. I had spent yet another restless night wracked with guilt and hurt. I saw Jason's tired, disappointed eyes every time I tried to shut my own. I had sat out on the balcony, watching the distant treetops of the mountain shimmering under the moonlight until I couldn't keep my eyes peeled any longer. I slid onto the cold balcony floor, waking to sunlight after three hours of unsatisfying sleep that left me with a sore neck.

"I need to see him," the words left my mouth in a rush. "Just once."

Claire's soft palm landed on my arm. "What, darling?"

I turned to her, well aware that I shouldn't ask for what I was about to. 

"Can you take me to the café, please?"

***

It was a relentlessly hot Saturday afternoon. The sun burned into my body as I walked across the pavement into Java Lava. Pausing under the café's awning, I wiped at the beads of sweat across my forehead with the back of my hand. The oppressive heat felt like a warning against what I was about to do.

I shouldn't be here. 

We broke up. 

I shouldn't see him again.

I walked into the quaint café, stupidly choosing to ignore my conscience.

My eyes widened as I took in the sizeable crowd, every table occupied by animated customers. The sounds of chatter and laughter were so loud that I couldn't hear myself think. I welcomed the noise with a grateful smile.

I stood sixth in the long queue leading up to the billing counter, trying to persuade myself to turn around. But my feet were rooted to the spot, my eyes fixed on Jason. Too busy tending to the customers, he failed to notice me. Even from the distance, the exhaustion in his face was unmissable. His usual, breezy smile was gone, his movements strained and mechanical.

Go back, Leena.

I pried my eyes off of Jason, turning around in one swift motion.

"I'm so sorry," I said when I nearly collided with a blonde teenager. 

The strap of my backpack slipped off my shoulder as I staggered back and forth. The girl looked up from her phone in annoyance, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow at my obvious indecision.

"Are you going to just stand there or what?" she demanded, chewing her bubble gum with exaggerated effort.

"I . . . no," I mumbled. "I'm staying."

"Whatever," she deadpanned, rolling her heavily-lined eyes. 

The next instant, her attention returned to her smartphone. Cheeks flaming, I turned back around.