Beacon in the Darkness

10. Drifting

Once the door clicked shut behind her, Camila leaned up against it, her back flush with the cool surface, and let out a slow breath. The box in her hands grew heavier and the rough corners dug into her flesh. But at that moment, she was afraid if she left the stable fixture her weakened knees may give out causing her to dump the contents all over the foyer floor.

Her heart pounded in her chest and her lips still tingled from the feeling of his skin against them. A small part of her was mortified that she dared to be so bold, but another larger portion was elated she'd had the guts to do it.

She closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind from all of the conflicting things floating around inside. How he could make her feel safe and scared and strong and weak all at the same time had her mind spinning. She felt dizzy with confusion.

Shawn was her friend. A secret friend, but a friend none the less.

He'd been so understanding and gentle with her that morning. A side of him she knew not many people were lucky enough to see—as evidenced by the numerous occasions Lauren had referred to him as an ass. But she had seen it, and all of it had been directed at her. He'd talked to her, touched her, and helped her through one of the scariest moments of her life. Not once had he made her feel stupid about the whole thing. In fact, he'd never mentioned it again, and when she tried to bring it up, he'd told her she didn't need to talk about it.

When she'd made the decision to kiss him, it had been completely selfish. Yes, she wanted to thank him more than she'd been allowed that morning, but the kiss was pure indulgence on her part. She just had to know what it would feel like to be that close to him. To feel his skin against her lips. To know how her nearness would affect him, if at all. She smiled to herself as she remembered the small catch in his breath when she moved toward him, the way it had wooshed out as she brushed his cheek, and the confused glint in his eyes when she pulled away.

As much as those actions would have made her believe the situation had affected him the same way it had her, she knew Shawn was not like any other guy she'd ever met and maybe it meant something different coming from him. He was so hard to read. There were times Camila thought she saw through the barriers he'd built around himself, but she couldn't be sure.

He hadn't been as forthcoming about himself as she'd been with him. Maybe he couldn't be. Maybe he just didn't feel the same way. As much as that sucked, it wouldn't surprise her. Shawn wasn't the type of boy that fell for girls like her. But he was definitely the type of boy every girl had the ability to lose her heart over.

Camila's chest tightened with the realization that she was about to do just that.

"Oh hell," she groaned, dropping her head back against the door with a soft thud.

The beautiful, broody, boy next door had effectively weaseled his way into her heart and was slowly but surely chipping away at it, stealing pieces and stowing them away in a place she couldn't penetrate no matter how hard she tried. With each smile, each soft touch and reassuring word, she became more and more lost to her sensibility. He wasn't just an attractive boy to her. He was so much more. A kindred spirit in pain and heartache.

Shawn understood her better than anyone else, even though they hadn't known each other long. It seemed like he knew just what she needed when she needed it. When she needed to talk, he listened. When she needed to listen, he talked. When she needed a distraction, he teased. When she needed someone to just be there, he sat silently at her side. And when she needed to know she wasn't alone in the cruel actuality of this world, he played for her.