Beacon in the Darkness

18. Enough

"No, this just won't do. It won't do at all." Lauren stood in front of Camila's closet, her hands on her hips and shaking her head. She turned, raising one brow. "Seriously? I have never met anyone so fashionably challenged—other than Austin that is."

Camila flopped back onto her bed, her legs dangling over the edge. Twisting a piece of hair between her fingers, she studied the way the light filtered through the strands, bringing out the deep dark brown coloring. "What does it matter, Lauren? It's just a soccer game. I didn't realize there was a dress code."

Lauren's mouth fell open as if Camila had just said the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. She raised a hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers and clenching her eyes shut. "Mila—" She paused to draw a deep breath through her nose. "Do you not care at all about attracting members of the opposite sex? I mean, really. You had that cutie all over you at school and the dance and you totally blew him off. Why? I don't get it. And now, we're going to a tournament—between four schools—and there will be many delicious specimens to choose from." She opened her eyes and met Camila's. "Are you really telling me you don't care about that?"

Camila dropped the hair from her fingers and sat up, scooting herself to the very edge of the mattress. "Yes. Lauren. I can honestly say I don't care about that." Of course, she didn't add the reason why she didn't care about that. But, even if she weren't "taken" she probably still wouldn't. She shuddered lightly at the thought of her actually being taken. The concept was still a little much for her to get used to.

"How? How can you not? You do like boys, right?"

Camila laughed. "Yes. I like boys."

Lauren crossed the room and sat next to Camila. "Then please explain to me your reluctance to do anything to attract them. 'Cause I surely don't get it."

Camila sighed and focused her sight on the green and white checkered terry bathrobe hanging on the back of her bedroom door. She didn't quite know how to explain it to Lauren without making her feel bad. It wasn't that she didn't want to be attractive; she just didn't want that to be the only thing a boy noticed about her. Not that that mattered anymore anyway, she had the boy she wanted.

"I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't care about clothes or makeup, or anything like that. If a boy doesn't like me the way I am, he isn't worth wasting my time on him." She gestured to Lauren. "Dressing up, wearing makeup, and all that is okay for you because it's something you enjoy. It makes up part of who you are." She shrugged. "It just feels like I would be pretending if I did it—lying, you know?"

"Guys don't care if you lie, Mila. They just want to look at you and kiss on you."

Camila pinched her brows together and turned to look at Lauren. "What kind of guys are you trying to attract?" She plopped down on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "Why would you want someone like that? Don't you want someone you can talk to? Someone you have stuff in common with? Someone you like and who likes you for more than just something to kiss?"

A small smile tweaked the corners of her mouth as she considered the fact that Shawn was all of those things and more to her. They'd started out as friends. Friends who talked and shared with one another things they couldn't share with anyone else. It hadn't begun as a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship. Nor had it ever been intended to turn into one. Because of that, Camila felt it was so much better than any normal sort of coupling.