So I was beyond nervous. I actually ruined a band. How does one manage to ruin a band that they didn't even know about a month ago. I'm a complete disaster. So I did what any irrational person would do, I phoned Ashton, and when I heard the ringing stop I started to talk before he could get out a single word,
"This has got to be a fucking joke Ashton. Tell me your not quitting the band."
"I was actually planning on quitting so if I said no that would be a bit of a lie" Ashton said like a complete smartass.
"Don't fuck around here your going to let down the whole band and all of the teenage girls who follow you from city to city over nothing."
"Oh so I have to sit there unhappy and deal with all of there shit."
"Why are you leaving"
"Why did you leave"
"Answer the question idiot"
"I'm leaving because The guys made you leave"
"Well then maybe you shouldn't leave because no one told me to leave"
"Yeah I'm sure"
"Why the hell else would I leave when I got on the bus none of you wanted me there"
"Then why did you"
"I didn't want the ducking band to break up because of me"
"Why would we"
"Well your doing it now"
"Why would we break up when you were still here"
"Because we broke up and I have a thing with Mikey now!"
I said this really aggressively before I realized what I did and started crying.
"You actually think I would break up the band over a slut like you"
The words stung. And I could feel myself crying more now than I already was. The warm tears falling off my face during a long silence over the phone. Before I heard him again,
"I'm sorry"
"No you know what I'm sorry I ever wasted my time trying to put aside what everyone else thought to try and make it work because clearly I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry that you can't handle breakups. And I'm sorry that you couldn't have found someone who is prettier and smarter and more committed and even when they realize it's not working will stay with you. No matter how much it hurts. Because apparently that's what you need."
"I said I'm sorry" he said softly seeming both aggravated and ashamed,
"So did I"
I said finally before hanging up the phone and walking to Kari's room.
I tried to hide the tears though the halls were empty anyways and then I walked into her room. I looked at her while sobbing,
"Oh Jane come here"
And she gave me a big hug just as she always would when I felt sad. I was speechless after that phone call. I felt alone and sad and I still had warm tears covering my face. I'm not a slut I thought to myself over and over. But every time I cried a little more. I wanted to call Mikey but I didn't know what to say and I didn't want him to start a fight with Ashton. I don't think he would but I wasn't going to chance it.
"He called me a slut"
I said taking a big breath of air.
"This is why we don't date people on tour busses"
"You didn't object earlier"
"That's because nothing bad was happening earlier"
I laughed lightly at this and then sat up on Kari's bed.
"Let's go for a walk"
Kari seemed shocked but she walked no questions asked. We walked to the park down the street and endlessly through the empty streets of town.
"Why couldn't you have just married that one guy when you had a chance"
"The Egyptian prince who proposed over email but wanted my bank info" I questioned her laughing
"No not him the other one"
"That Ryan kid who proposed in grade 7?" I said actually wondering who she was talking about.
"No that lee guy like a week after grad"
"I don't even think that was serious"
"Shoulda said yes that guy was rich"
"Jeez kari"
"He had a yacht"
"Kari" I yelled sounding more stern.
We laughed it off as we walked home but inside I was so stressed . I will not let it stand that I actually broke up a band.
