Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style

Chapter 1

Stress Baking

(I wrote this in a new format because my old one looks v weird tell me if you hate this or can't read it and I'll change it back. Also, sorry this is way longer than expected.)

John's POV

"I'm freaking out man, I'm freaking out!" I said, gesturing towards the thirty baked goods sitting on the counter of our kitchen.

"Slow down. What exactly is upsetting you again?" Said Mulligan, ever the mom friend.

"Well, the wedding is in six months and the people we're renting the reception hall from just jacked up the price and we can't decide on which cakes we want and- Wait, bachelor party! How could I forget about that! I haven't even planned that! I don't even want to get married if it means all this crap!" I said, and reached for a brownie.

"Dude, relax. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're Alexander with all the stressing you're doing. When's the last time you slept?" Said Lafayette.

Oh shit. I didn't really think about sleeping since we started planning the wedding. They both sighed.

"Mon ami, will you please just sleep for a little bit? I think I'm going to get diabetes if I eat any more of the stuff you baked."

I begrudgingly walked to the couch. "You know, I'm not even ti-" I said, and then passed out.

Alex's POV

"I know I said I'd never do this again, but I'm looking through John's phone." I said, and looked at Angelica's disappointed reaction.

I came to the Schuylers because they're experts in lurking. "Hey, I know it's creepy but I have a reason! He's been totally distant since the wedding, and we haven't done the diddly-do in like... Three weeks!" I said, and Peggy sighed.

"Give me his phone, I know the password." She said, and just typed in 'iloveturtles'.

"We're in." Said Eliza in a deep voice.

"Eliza, we're not FBI agent hackers, we're just looking through his phone. Gimme." Said Angie. She scrolled for a while, and then stopped.

"Uh oh." She said, and showed the pictures to her sisters, who raised their eyebrows.

"Uh oh? What's that supposed to mean?" I panicked. I didn't expect them to actually find anything! "Uh, Alex, you may not like this..." Said Peggy, and showed me the phone.

John😊: Hey, are we still on for tomorrow? ;))

Unknown: Yeah, totally!

John😊: Okay! Is it okay if we meet at like 2? I'm kinda busy rn haha. It's okay if you can't tho.

Unknown: No, it's fine! Wear something you don't mind getting dirty ;)

John: I'll see you then!

I laid flat on my back on the floor, and just stared at the ceiling. The girls soon joined me.

"I mean, he may not be cheating! He didn't send a dick pic or something." Said Eliza. Usually her optimism was great, but now I honestly just wanted to be sad for myself.

"He sent a winky face, Eliza! A winky face!" I said. "Well John hasn't really gotten the hang of emojis. He thought the eggplant emoji really just meant eggplant." Said Peggy.

"How could he do this?! And right before we get married, too."

Angelica ran her fingers through my hair. "You want us to key his car for you?" She asked. Eliza stood up.

"Look, We're going to go all 'Spy Kids' on this shit. I'm calling Herc and Laf. He sent the address, and we're going to get some binoculars and camp outside his house. It's 1:30 now, we can make it!" She said, and ran off into the distance.

Oh boy.

~25 minutes later~

"Are you sure these camouflage suits were necessary? I'm taking mine off." I said.

"Fine, I guess you don't want to catch your cheating boyfriend, then fine!" Said Angie. Peggy rolled her eyes. "Angie, John isn't cheating on Alex. I've known him for like, ever. He wouldn't do something like tha-"

She immediately dropped her binoculars, and Hercules picked them up. "Oh my god." Lafayette muttered something along the lines of "Ce bâtard tricherie..."

"What?! What is it?!" I said, and tried to look over the bush we were hiding behind, but Eliza put her hand over my eyes.

"Alexander, I think you should go home..." She said while I struggled. I managed to break free, and I finally caught a glimpse of John.

Somebody was taking off his coat. Bad sign. He was taking off his shirt. Bad sign. He closed the blinds. Bad sign.

John's POV

"Hey! I'm glad we could meet today." I said, hugging my art teacher Mrs. Hastings. She was so nice. She's like 80, but still a badass. I waved to the other students.

"Here, let me take your coat." She said kindly. "Alright class, today I have quite an interesting prompt for you guys to do. I want you to take-" She said, and the girl sitting next to me spilt paint all over my shirt.

I stood up. "Oh my god! I am so sorry! I'm such a clumsy-" I laughed.

"It's fine, really. Mrs. Hastings always keeps an extra shirt in the closet." I said, and took mine off. Mrs. Hastings closed the blinds.

"Sorry, I don't want the sun to be in your way of sketching. Anyway, let's begin."

Alexander's POV

I sat on the floor of our house, waiting for John to come in. I was really going to give it to him. I'm past the point of crying... Okay, I cried a lot but that's not the point.

I'm at the point of roasting him. He walked through the door, with some book in hand. He looked at me and jumped.

"Alex? I t-thought you were working today..."

"I bet you did! I bet that's what you told your new lover!" He looked at me, and his facial expression did all the talking. It said "WTF man."

"I saw your texts! I know you're cheating!"

"What? I'm taking an art class, not getting some dick, Alexander. Is that what this is all about?" He said, then laughed.

Oh shit. That did make a lot of sense. "Oh, yeah... Sorry, I just kinda assumed... Whoops." I heard yelling and a car alarm go off from outside.

We faced outside to find the Schuylers writing "CHEATER" all over John's car in soap. "Guys! He's not really cheating!" I yelled.

"What the fuck did you do to my car?!" Screamed John, and they sprinted away.