A Diary?

Today.

The last few days have been Hell. My body and mind are so tired. I'm starting to give up again. I have no motivation to get out of bed and go to school even though there are a few weeks left before summer starts.

I think that's what is killing me. The dread of summer. Most people are excited to go to the pool, go on vacation, get out in the sun, all the fun summer things but then there's me.

One of the few people who spend their summer working their ass off to make ends meet and be able to afford pretty things like concert tickets and clothing. I'm that lifeguard that you see in the chair, making sure that you don't die and keeping you safe at all times.

I guess that I'm not ready to go back quite yet....it seems that my 2nd year of high school started and ended in a flash. It doesn't feel real.

I also feel guilt. My boyfriend isn't supposed to date until he's 16 and his parents know now...... *sigh* I feel like this entire thing is because of me. Stupid feelings tend to ruin everything for me! But I do love him....it's been a while since I've ever loved someone since freshman year.

I guess I'm also afraid that I'm gonna end up hurt again. I've broken a few hearts here and there but freshman year was different and I feel like this is different. He's something else....