Tris POV
Cradling my eight-month baby bump in my arms, I watch with tears as Tobias walks out the door. Slamming it behind him, making my body jump at the noise.
When we found out we were expecting... we were ecstatic. He was excited to raise a child of his own, and teach it everything he knew. Having it learn the dauntless lifestyle we'd come accustomed to.
But when we found out we were expecting a baby boy, that all changed. Something in Tobias shifted, and he became someone I didn't know.
I know in my heart that he's just scared, and that's what is different. He's scared to have a boy because he fears he'll turn out like Marcus. I've told him the truth- that he'd never turn out like that monster. But he won't listen to me.
Walking into the bedroom, our bedroom I spot all the pictures we have on the end nightstands or hung on the walls. Each having a different frame, and a picture of happiness and joy.
The largest one hung in the center of the wall, is from our wedding. It was a glorious day, one of nerves but excitement. One of love and passion. It was a perfect day.
I run my fingers over the glass, my silver ring sparkling from the light seeping in through the window. I take my hand away, no longer able to look at these pictures.
I like to think and convince myself that Tobias will be better once our boy comes, but I sometimes feel worried that it'll only get worse.
I step out of our bedroom and into our boy's nursery. We finished it a few weeks ago, the walls painted a light grey with white dots patterned over it.
The crib's a darker grey with white sheets, and a black rocking chair in the corner. I caught Tobias sitting in it one day, late in the night. Sitting there as if he'd gotten some type of heartbreaking news.
It was the fear. And since he was in the dark, in the night... he could let those fearful tears fall without anyone having to know.
The creak of he front door opening and closing breaks me of my thoughts and gaze. I make my way out to the living room to find a worn down and miserable looking Tobias. He'd only been gone ten minutes so I don't have a clue why he's back home and not at work.
"What are you doing home?" I ask, my voice filling the empty feeling in the room. Feeling a kick from our little boy, my hand automatically goes there. Holding that spot as he kicks again.
"I came home... to apologize." Tobias mutters, looking down at his feet and running his hands through his disheveled hair.
I watch him, going from being totally put together to falling apart. He sits on the couch, his tear stained face in his palms. It takes me moment to walk over to him and wrap my arms around him. Thinking of the hurt and anger he's caused me these past few months, and why I should have to comfort him.
But looking at him... the pain he's battling is larger than mine.
"It's okay." I whisper to him, kissing his neck right under his ear.
"It's not. It's not!" He exclaims, his voice in a hushed tone but no less sensitive.
I pull back and look into his dark blue eyes, that look even more like an ocean of water with the way his tears glisten. Making the blue more profound.
Running my thumb softly over his reddened face, I look at all the emotion shown on his face. The rareness of it all. The last time I remember seeing him cry was the day we got married. The joyful tears falling down his face- more than my own.
"What's going on?" I ask after a long space of silence.
"I'm scared." That one statement brings any doubt I had to dissipate. This is real if he's able to admit that.
"Of becoming a father? Or a father to a son?"
"Both." Tobias turns to look me in my eyes, almost pleading with his eyes not to leave him.
"I want a family with you, I do. I just can't get the thought of turning--"
"Stop, do not finish what you were going to say." I scold.
"Tris, I know. But the thoughts, the nightmares,--"
"You're having nightmares?" I ask, my voice falling. I had no idea about this, and that's what stings.
"For the past three months." Tobias says simply, and I let out a deep breath.
"You didn't tell me."
"I know, but you had so much to worry about and I didn't want to put anything more on you." Tobias says, as if that excuse helped anything.
"Tobias, I'm your wife. You can tell me these things... no matter what. I wished I had known." I tell him truthfully.
The thought of Tobias going through something like that for so long, and I had not a clue... makes my heart break. There was probably nothing I could've done to help, but knowing and being there could've made a difference.
"I know." He whispers, pulling his gaze away from mine. His eyes looking to my large baby bump, his left hand touching it lightly.
"We're in this together, and this child... this child will get the childhood that it deserves. The childhood that you deserved." I say and that's what get's his eyes to look back up into mine.
"I try not to listen to the thoughts, the dreams... but it's hard. Because all I can see is me becoming someone I can't imagine, a monster." Tobias expresses to me, his tone filled with bitter sadness.
"Are you ever able to find the truth, the good?" I ask.
"Yes. With you."
"You. You keep me believing that I'm not only going to be a father, but a great father. You keep me believing that it's all going to be okay in the end." Tobias says as one final tear slide down his cheek, meeting my finger as I wipe it away.
"You keep me believing that it's going to be okay. I'm afraid too, I'm scared to have a life depending on me. But when I look at you, and I think of all the amazing things I'll get to experience with you and this baby boy... I know it'll be okay." I admit to him, my own tears making their way down my face.
"As long as we have each other... we'll keep going. We'll keep believing." Tobias tells me and that's when I crash my lisp to his. The taste of salty tears coat his lips, but doesn't change the feel of this moment. The feeling of love and faith in each other.
Three weeks later... I delivered a bouncing baby boy. Ryan Damon Eaton; his name meaning 'little king' and 'gentle'. All the things we wanted, a boy that could be like his daddy- a dauntless warrior. But had a soft side , also like his father.
Tobias was the first to hold him believe it or not, and now I have a new memory of the last time he cried. He cried through it all. He carried him over to me, and in that bed... we were a family. Tobias's fear was gone when he saw his boy, his eyes just like his daddy's- dark blue and powerful. All Tobias needed was to believe and after all of it, he did.
I had them. My two boys. My loves... my family.
A/N: Don't feel too bad about this one, I actually am proud of it for once! Yay :) What do you think?? I also could not stop listening to this song!
