Wayward (Wayward #1) ✓ [bxb]

Chapter 18

Cornelius on top! Yum. 

SONG - KISS IT BETTER - RIHANNA

"Mr. Verde is currently unavailable right now but I could take a message for him." The polite secretary answered me.

"Thank you. You can just tell him I called I think." I croaked to her before tossing my phone as soon as the call ended. I'd tried Cornelius's personal cell twice but it didn't go through. After that I called his office line with both fingers crossed. Normally I'd object to contacting an official line but after our meeting it felt like I just had to speak to him and he wasn't picking up his personal line.

I sighed lying down to face the ceiling. Maybe it was just a mistake, he probably didn't mean it. I could tell when someone was playing around. I'd done it to so many people after all. Flirt around during lunch time at the mall because you've got nothing better to do.

I was such a fool.

"More than once lately." I muttered to myself. It was already dark outside, almost six in the evening and I was alone. Astrid invited me for dinner but I declined claiming I was fine all by myself. The truth was that I wasn't fine but I didn't want to convince myself that I was too desperate to be alone. Jay would have happily come but Patrick was planning a dinner for the two of them. He must have been planning to tell Jay about the house.

I could survive this. I would survive this.

After all, people go through painful and awful break ups every day. Hollywood was surely making money off the concept.

But how many people nursed the idea that they could have a future with someone that they didn't deserve? Jason was ideal, almost perfect, but he and I were in two different spheres of life. Yes, his break up was hasty and he didn't listen to me explain but the truth was what was I really going to explain to him?

I'm a bit fucked up in the head because of my time as a teenager and despite all the help Astrid gave me I still feel like the way to justify my existence is by fucking and discarding men for money and many people find it a bit messed up that I've embraced the label of being a whore so proudly that it sounds more like a compliment than an insult to me. But with you I want to discard everything that I am and become someone new because you make me feel new Jason. I want to be someone better for you, someone not fucked up.

But in the end we can never get what we truly want because that's the way the world works. Jason deserved better than me.

I sighed again forcing back tears and looked outside the window from my king sized bed.

It was too fucking dark.

I was startled awake around 7:17 pm. My mouth was dry and I was a little hungry but ignored both in favor of the incessant ringing that came from my phone. Despite the fact that my eyes were still heavy from sleep I was able to discern that it was a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Ryan?"

It was him. It was Jason. How badly I wanted it to be him oh goodness.

"It's me Cornelius." I snapped back to reality. Despite my light disappointment I smiled. I lay back on my bed "Oh hi. Thought you didn't want to talk to me after all."

"I'm very sorry if you got that impression. I was just really held up in my office and couldn't take any calls. My secretary told me you called just now and I had to reach you." He explained apologetically.

"It's ok." I replied assuring him. Probably shouldn't have judged so quickly. The relief I felt was quite evident.

"If it's any consolation I was quite annoyed that I didn't get to call you as soon as I wanted. My sister came around and she always has quite a penchant for dramatics. We fought." He said.