Wayward (Wayward #1) ✓ [bxb]

Chapter 19

This came sooner than I expected though....

SONG - UNDERGROUND - ADAM LAMBERT

p.s I love Adam Lambert! Shameless glambert.

"Jason." I breathed out again.

He was here. Standing in front of my apartment with his hands stuffed in his pocket and expression as shy as I remembered. Fuck I wanted to kiss him so much. To hold him again. To be with him. To kiss him.

Right after sucking face with Cornelius and people wonder why you're a self-proclaimed slut, my subconscious cheerfully spoke.

"You should be punching me." He said detached.

"What?" I was confused.

Jason cleared his throat "On the way over here, I imagined meeting you up and receiving the most painful punch ever. I even carried a bandage with me."

Despite myself I couldn't help but laugh at what he'd said. He smiled too "Will I need it?"

I sighed sobering up "Wanna come in?" I didn't wait for an answer before unlocking the door and entering. He followed me walking carefully, like he was afraid that something would come up to bite him. Like I had set up some sort of trap for him to get ensnared right into. If only he knew. Somehow if there was any trap, it would be for me.

Tossing my keys into the bowl in the kitchen, I went up to my cupboards "Want something to drink?"

"No thanks." He replied. I shrugged grabbing a whole bottle of Tequila and a shot glass. Something told me that this was going to be a conversation best endured not sober. After I threw one shot down, head tilted back and buzzing pleasantly, I nodded "I'm ready."

A lie.

Deep inside of me it felt like I wasn't going to be ready for whatever he had to say.

"There's no need to explain that I'm a douche or a complete idiot, I know that already. The way I reacted was wrong in so many ways. I just let some deep fears in me take over my reasoning and cloud my judgment. I'm sorry for that." He said softly. My spine stiffened. This was not what I was expected. Most men know they're wrong but because they're proud douches, you still need to point it out to them exactly.

"What fears?" I asked. My standing behind the kitchen counter to face him was deliberate. I needed the granite to separate, like a barrier. Because I didn't know if I could stand in front of him again.

Stop all this drama Ryan; he's just some guy you used to fuck.

He's not the first person you dated.

Grow the fuck up.

He sighed placing his hand on his face "All my life, I actually never hoped to meet someone like you."

Cue the unwelcomed warm feeling in my chest. "Oh."

"You're amazing and sweet and kind and perfect. So perfect that it seemed too ridiculous. I thought to myself, Ryan is just too amazing to be true. Something has to fuck this up because my life has never truly been this perfect ever."

Shut UP, I'M NOT PERFECT. DON'T EVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT WORD.

Perfect I am not.

Perfect I am not.

He gave a sad smile.

"And so I did."

Another gulp of burning alcohol and I waited for him to continue. "When you told me what you did before, something just snapped inside me. It's like in that moment I was given a perfect reason why we couldn't be together. Like it was all summed up."