Baby's Breath

Chapter 14: wardrobe

So I was pregnant. And alone. Josh had made it obvious that he didn't want anything to do with me when I asked him of its possibility. How stupid. What was I expecting? A warm smile, a hug, a giggle? A promise of eternal bliss?

I snorted with disgust at my train of thought, hugging my textbook to my chest as I hurried down the hallway. Students floated past me like ghosts in some wild dream. And speaking of dreams, mine morphed into something ugly. It wasn't just being trapped in the mall, college campus—wherever—anymore, but now I fumbled along tearfully, something missing. And that something kept me anchored to the blasted place as the assassins honed in on me. I don't understand that last sentence.

I walked into the restroom, avoiding my reflection insert comma here and did my business. Maybe I'd start my period tomorrow and I'd laugh about all this. It was possible. There had been many women who had false positives, and I could be one of them.

Clinging to the hope that it could be that, I held my head up and smiled. Though I felt hollow, I was determined to let time tell. Audra was the brilliant spot of sunshine as she chatted about Rick and how wonderful the party had been, how she'd missed me. Josh had been her alibi, which worked like a dream for her.

I nodded, not really listening to her incessant babbling. Did he even care? While away at school in the dorms with all those girls, did Josh have more fun with them? How would he react if one of them came up to him, declaring that she's pregnant? I refused to entertain the idea, so I slouched into my seat with a huff.

"What's wrong with you? You've been acting really weird." Her fingers slowed over the keypad and she actually looked up at me.

"I have?" I straightened and gave her a smile—not too big and not too small. "Man, don't you just hate it when your period drains the heck out of you?" I waved my pinky at her, peeking through my hair's blue streaks gone brunette. "I need to take a long, convalescing nap."

"Yeah, but, it's been this bad." what does that mean?Audra set her phone down and pressed her hand on my forehead. "You're warm."

"I'll be fine. I just need some fresh air." I stood, not wanting her to see through me. Besides, I was entitled to my secrets as she was, wasn't I? There was no need to drag her into my mess. My lovely, big, Josh mess. "I'll see you sixth." I walked away without making eye contact.

"Bye." I felt her staring at me until I rounded the corner. Did she suspect? This was going to be one long ride to hell if I didn't find a happy place.

Classes past in a blur and my mind kept reverting to my test result. Though I hoped for the possibility of it being wrong, I couldn't help but think how I should start revamping my wardrobe. Just in case. I thought of Audra and her sharp perception as well as intrusiveness with a laugh. I was not going to risk the chance.

In my little bubble of denial, I actually enjoyed the bus ride home, and Audra forgot about my lunchtime fiasco. All she did was babble about Rick and how he had invited her to a hotel this coming weekend. How stupid her choices were to have sex, though she irritated me with her disregard of the possibility of ending up pregnant, I smiled instead and nodded instead. I ended up turning around and patting her on the head. "That's nice."

"Hi, Mom!" I said in my cheerful voice when I walked through the door. "How was home?"

She swung her eyes at me. They were deep and pinned me down. I was safe behind my reasoning of false positives, there was nothing to be worried about. "Good. How was school?"

I broke eye contact and hooked my book bag next to Jules'. "Not bad. I'm actually feeling yucky. I hate being on my period. Well, nice talking to you. Gotta do homework and nap. Love you." I ran up the stairs and closed my door and leaned against it. Did she notice anything different as Audra had? How did Audra do it? How did she keep it secret from her parents? The thought did hit me that when I started my real period next week, how would I fake my way from that one?