Baby's Breath

Chapter 24: twice

My panic squeezed me with every ring. On the third, just as she picked up and before she could say hi, I hung up with a yelp. No, I couldn't. I wasn't ready to talk to just anyone. Who was she? How would she know what I was going through? Why would she really care, anyway? What was in it for her? I hated feeling so forlorn.

I didn't call her back after that day, and my fears didn't improve any because of my emotional isolation. Though I felt energetic and good on the outside, it was dim by comparison how I felt on the inside. The constant state of anxiety wore me down to the point that I became listless. I hated it and wanted my pregnancy to end as soon as it could! And my body changed so fast right before my eyes. Soon, my breasts got a little bigger, more veins popped out, but the itching slowed. All I did to solve the braless problem was to wear my sports bra. As for dizziness, well, that starting coming back, especially when I changed my position from sitting to standing. I had to find innovative ways to do that without drawing attention! It wasn't easy.

We were watching a movie, Dad in his favorite chair snuggling with Mom. The baby decided my bladder needed some trampoline lessons and with the sneeze I'd been storing, well, it didn't go too well. Yep, you guessed it. My underwear and pants soaked through!

"Goodness, bless you." Mom grabbed a piece of popcorn and tossed it at me. It stuck fast into my hair and I pulled it out with a chuckle.

"Uh, need to go pee." I wrinkled my nose and shook my head, tossing the popcorn back.

Rob busted out laughing, but kept his eyes on the show. Jules stuck his tongue out at me and said, "Well, hurry!"

"Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say." In order for me to pass the I'm-not-too-quick-on-my-feet test, I always surrounded myself with stuff. A bowl of popcorn for the family on my lap, a book or two in my hands, my drink between my knees. It would look normal for me to not to just jump up and run. It was challenging, though, because scooting to the edge made the rest easier, but since Mom had been pregnant four times, she'd recognize the symptoms.

I'd practiced every night in front of the mirror how to stand not tummy first. It was freakin' hard.

Also, I limited my sitting around them as best as I could because of its difficulty in rising. I'd managed to remain antisocial for the past five months, and they didn't seem to notice because I made sure to have it feel legit: I was reading, or texting with Audra. Though, in all reality, we no longer did since the day she left me alone to walk home. I was darn lucky that a kind old couple had found me and made up for it by giving me a ride home. But it was the reading that sold Mom since she was the ultimate reading goddess.

Another sneeze attacked me, but I'd mastered holding it back until I found privacy. My average for changing out underwear was about twice a day. Who knew?

Once the door was secured behind me, I let loose the sneeze. And as predicted, more pee came out. I kicked my clothes off, unable to see my feet unless I bent a bit. I picked my underwear off the floor with my toes because bending over was painful enough, and stared at it. How many pregnant girls suffered from extra discharge? It was annoying! So was the fact that I had to apply deodorant twice a day as well and resisted taking two baths. Everything seemed to come in twos. Speaking of which . . .

I stared at my breasts in the mirror with a grimace. Extra sweat seemed to dampen beneath, making me stink all the more. Would I get cancer if I ran my deodorant under them? Ugh. I studied my nipples next. Wait, it looked like the circle around my nipples got darker and bigger. My eyes dropped lower. Dark, soft squiggles invaded the sides of my stomach along with a small, sharp pain that would occasionally zip across under the load. Not to mention, the excess shortness of breath. "My poor body!" I moaned.