internet friends // 5 seconds of summer

0.7

internet friends // five seconds of summer

0.7
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michael's pov

I'm running right now. Kind of fast, actually. Well, not really. I'm actually slow. It's okay though, because I'm still burning calories.

According to Calum it's not good that I associate working out with calories. He says that exercise should be fun and not about burning calories, but I don't really care about his opinion in this matter. I mean, what does he know anyways?

Calum used to be really thin and now he's all big and muscular, so he just doesn't understand what it's like to be fat. I understand what it's like to be fat, because I am. I'm working on losing weight though and I've lost ten pounds so far.

I've cut back my calorie intake to no more than five hundred a day, and I have to burn at least three hundred of the calories I consumed or else I have to punish myself.

My legs are weak and my vision is blurry. I stop in my tracks, trying to steady myself, but it doesn't do any good, because before I know it, I've face planted into the ground.

I hear footsteps approaching me. They're almost echoing, I'm so zoned out. "Michael, are you okay?" Someone says. I can't tell who it is. Maybe Luke?

Groaning, I find the strength to turn over and just lay flat on the ground. If there's an airplane or a UFO above me, they probably think I'm a super-pancake or something.

Luke reaches out his hand for me to take, "I think you should take it easy for awhile," He says, helping me onto my feet, "Have you eaten anything? Had anything to drink?"

Steadying myself on the ground, I reply, "Not today, no." My feet are almost swept up from under me, but I balance and begin running back home at a steady pace.

"Michael, what the hell!" Luke shouts, jogging up to me, "Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is?"

Grimacing at his tone of voice, I slow down my pace and reply, bitterly, "It's not unhealthy. I'm fine, Luke."

Luke reaches for the doornob as we approach the house, quickly turning it and walking inside, "You're not fine. You need to eat something right now," he says, guiding me into the kitchen and opening up the pantry doors.

My eyes widen at all the food in the pantry. It all looks so good and I'm so hungry. I've been fasting for the past three days and I don't want it to end yet, but as soon as Luke leaves the room, I am shovling chocolate bars, cookies, and popcorn into my mouth, like a wild animal eating it's prey.

I have consumed more calories in the past five minutes than I normally would over a span of a week. Once realizing what I've done, tears brim in the corners of my eyes

trigger warning

Sprinting down the hall to the bathroom, I slam the door shut and lock it. I remember reading somewhere online that drinking a lot of water helps. It was on myproana.com, I think.

Taking the red, plastic cup I usually use when brushing my teeth, I full it with cold water and quickly gulp it down. I feel sick and so full already.

Just as I am about to open the toilet seat, I turn around and face myself in the mirror. I am disgusting. Yanking off my shirt, I pinch every inch of nauseating fat on my body, wising I could just rip it all off.

With tears streaming down my face, I turn around, facing the toilet again, and lift up the seat. My heart is beating a million miles a minute and I feel like a walking balloon.

I quickly shove two fingers down my throat, pain shooting through me like a rocket. More tears spill and I want to die in this instant. Nothing comes up, so I try again.

When nothing comes up the second time, my eyes turn to see my tooth brush. I feel like I am posessed, as I quickly grab my blue tooth brush from the counter, and then return to my position by the toilet.

Sticking the toothbrush down my throat, the same as my fingers, I finally feel something start to come up and pull the toothbrush out. This hurts even more, but before I can do anything, some of the contents of my binge have been emptyed into the toilet.

I know that wasn't everything I had consumed, so I repeat the process several times, before looking into the mirror again.

"You're a fat, disgustng pig and no one will ever love you!" I shout at the mirror.

It doesn't even seem to be me though, it's like a demon has taken over, "You'll never be good enough for anyone!"

My face is red and hot and I look like I am high because I've cried so hard. Wanting to rip all my hair out, I sink down onto the floor, a sobbing, crazy mess.

The door suddenly flies open, an angry and confused Ashton hovering over me, "Michael what the hell is going on?" He yells, smoothing, but not calmly.

Quickly standing up and drying my tears, I put on a fake smile, "Nothing, I was just thinking of when my grandmother died and it upset me. I'm okay, though."

Ashton's face looks sad and angry, "Bullshit," He huffs, walking out of the bathroom.

alice: hi guys how are you

maria: we never talk to you anymore):

alice: yeah im sorry ive just been going through some stuff

maria: we miss you):

anna: we all love and miss you and if you ever need anything we're here<3

lucas: aw cute

Me: thats adorable((:

alice: aw ily guys too !!

Ash: cool how we can all come on here and act like nothings wrong when in reality our worlds are crashing down

Ash: indirect @ michael

lucas: /:

Me: im gonna go...

Me: bye guys ily

Throwing my phone in my pocket, I march down to Ashton's room.

a/n hey guys whats up how are you ??

i am so so sorry for taking so long to update it for it being so short i just havent hada ton of time but woule you guys like more short chapters w fast updates or long chapters w slow updates

today is the first day of summer for me yaaaayyy

thoughts on chapter ?

i hope youre all doing amazing ilysm !!

dont forget to

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-ariel xx