Tangled Red Strings of Fate | Chanbaek/Kaisoo

4. Fix You

Chapter 4 - Fix You

"Baekhyun..."

"Fancy seeing you here."

"Likewise Mr.Kim."

The music at the bar ignites my feelings...

We mind our own drinks after our small talk. I can feel the alcohol going through my head, messing with my emotions. It's Kyungsoo again. After my sudden outburst, I can't pull his shocked... or is it scared face, out of my head. I know it's the first time I shouted at him like that, and I didn't even dream to. I'm so messed up.

I turn to Baekhyun...

"Baekhyun wanna hear something funny?"

"I need that, please let me hear it."

"I'm in love with someone, I'm in love with every side of him, his warm smile that lights up my gloomy day, his voice that echoes within the deepest part of me, I love the way he talks so passionately about the things he loves, I even love his stupidity and how vulnerable he is, He's my everything. But that someone loves someone he can't have.. someone I can't even dare to insult. He's someone I respect so much and somehow I understand what made him so in love with that guy.

"What's funny is the one he loves is also in love with someone he can't have too."

"And how is that funny?" He quirked his head to the side looking confused.

"Because it's stupid. Why are all of us in love with someone who loves someone else? It's no one's fault yet.. all of us are suffering, me, the one I love, and the one he loves. Love's stupid don't you think?"

"It's not stupid. Love is never stupid..."

"But what if the one on the end of the chain is you?" After all it's really you.

"Which end?" Baekhyun asked, confused.

"The other end."

"The one loved by the guy your everything can't have?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"It's not my fault too right?"

"Yes it's not."

Silence wrapped us. I ran out of things to say, he's not saying anything too. He's right, it's not his fault.

"I have an even funnier story Mr. Kim." He suddenly said. We never talked before, I'm surprised he's trying to prolong the conversation.

"Go on, spill."

"It's not funny at all though, like yours it's really stupid."

"Didn't you just tell me that love is never stupid?"

"Love is not, it's me. I'm stupid..."

"Point taken, now tell me your story."

"Well I have a girlfriend, we have been together for years, 3 years to be exact, but before that she was just a dream, I never thought I could even be friends with her, but I did my best. I really worked hard to get her number, to get close to her, to spend time with her. It's even harder to court her. Look at me, I'm not that manly, I'm not that tall too. Every time we go out with her friends and their boyfriends, I feel really insecure, but I succeeded. After all those effort, I made her say yes. We were in love, really in love." He smiled. But not a genuine smile. I can somehow see pain and agony in his smile, and if you look through his eyes, all you can see is sorrow and confusion.

"Were?" I asked, playing close attention to the details. I may be drunk but I think I heard him right.

"I'm starting to doubt if I still love her. I'm starting to doubt if she's still into me too."

"Why?"

"There's someone I always think about. He's confusing me.

But... I can't make myself to let go of the relationship I worked so hard for in exchange for something so uncertain." He's in some serious dilemma.

"But—" he continued.

"But I feel like I'm just fooling myself trying to save this cold and empty relationship. Sometimes I just want to run away from all of this...If I could just."

I think of what to say for a moment after all Baekhyun's part of this tangled mess. His decision could bring more pain, for Chanyeol, for Kyungsoo, for me.

"You know, let go if you want to let go. You might regret if you won't start to sort your feelings now. Let yourself be happy. Stay where your heart's truly happy. Don't waste this chance, other people don't have any choice at all." Like me, there's nothing I can do. "

"Time won't stop for you Baekhyun, and when time passes I'm afraid that no one can go rewind. 'You'll never go until you let go.'"

Baekhyun stared at me, then his glass. I know he's still confused, more confused with my words.

I have a feeling that he's talking about Chanyeol and I know the consequences.

It might shatter Kyungsoo's heart more, but I'm here to pick up those pieces and fix him. I think it's all for the best. Chanyeol deserves happiness too, and of course Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo may not be that strong for this, but I'll stand with him. If he would just let me. No, even if he wont. I'll be right by his side. I will.

The song at the bar somehow is with me, it somehow understands me. What a coincidence...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

Did I do my best? I think so. I became his friend, his shoulder for years. I did everything to make him happy. And even I am so in love with him, and he love someone else, I waited. I didn't become selfish and ruined our friendship. Friendship... Kyungsoo... It's you what I want, I got you as a friend. But your love is what I need.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

I'm so tired Kyungsoo. I think I can't keep going as your friend anymore. My feelings are in a mess right now. I want to stop, because it fuckin' hurts. I've been agonizing for years.

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Now we're not in good terms. Will I lose you? I've loved you for a long time Kyungsoo. And I can even give you anything you want, anything, my heart is now even yours, but you still don't love me.

Kyungsoo, I'd die for you... and I'm trying to figure out whether you mean that much to me or I mean that little to myself. Should I stop now?