THE QUIET.

|forty

here i was again.

staring at this damned ceiling,

unable to sleep.

my thoughts were keeping me awake.

i wanted to yell and scream and cut and die,

but all i really felt was numb.

before,

i was mostly sad,

but i now see that being numb is so much worse.

i just want to feel something.

i just want to be able to stop this feeling of literally nothing.

it was so confusing,

but also so strange.

i've never wanted to be depressed more in my life.

because at least depressed is a feeling.

how do i even describe feeling numb?

is that even the right word for it?

it's like my mind is racing with all these different things,

but i just feel empty and,

i don't know.

i didn't like it at all.

i'd rather be suicidal again then feel like this.