This one is religious G who can't accept who he is for fear that he'll be kicked out his home. And F is his supportive not-boyfriend-but-more-than-friend.
Oh god, they might see me. God knows what they'll do. They might just not say anything or even worse kick me out. Mikey and Frank are the only two know. This secret that I can't even accept myself.
I'm gay. And religious.
I know it's okay and perfectly natural to be attracted to the same sex but I was raised to believe it was immoral and wrong. I don't believe that love is wrong. Love is a beautiful thing that knows no sex or gender.
But I still can't get myself to admit it to the world. People are so judgemental and I don't want to get hurt physically or emotionally so I keep it a secret. Although I have slipped up a couple times and said I wasn't interested in girls. They'd ask why, and I'd say "just haven't found anyone I really like yet."
***
"Gee? You okay?" Frank called over from the other side of the room. He had just entered and saw me cover up the screen of my laptop with my hands. I put on a shaky grin.
"I'm good. Never been better Frank."
"Gerard I know you're lying, please tell me what's wrong." I didn't know if I wanted to.
Would he judge me? He's always seemed to be accepting of gay people...
"I-I-I...uhhhh...." I slowly removed my hands from the screen. To reveal what was back there. It was the book "Two Boys Kissing" by David Leviathan.
"Gee you thought I'd be upset by you reading a book about LGBT people?" I quickly shook my head,
"No Frankie! That's not the point! No one in my family except from Mikey know about me!" I whisper-shouted, knowing they'd be back at any moment from church. Me and Mikey opted to stay home and I invited Frank over.
"Oh right, I'm sorry Gee," he got very quiet at that. I sighed and walked over to him.
He was even better looking close up, breath smelling slightly of stale cigarettes. Silence got kinda awkward as we tried to hide the fact we were closing the gap between us.
"Uh... Frank what are you doing?" I asked as he leaned in close to me, staring into my eyes. A light blush spread across his cheeks. His lips pressed against mine, I could describe it with every cheesy cliché in the book, like with fireworks going off in my head and shit but it wasn't like that at all. It was warm, comforting, it felt natural like nothing was forced here. It was sweet and passionate at the same time.
I leaned into the kiss to deepen it and I put some effort into it. I wanted this to be a kiss I would remember. The first kiss I've ever had that felt like it was right, natural even. I've kissed girls before and it always felt forced to me, but that never happened with other boys.
I hadn't realised I was holding my breath until my eyes started watering and I had to break away for air, even though I didn't want to.
Frank just giggled at me. Ass.
After the kiss we just sat together on the bed whispering sweet nothings to each other. I, for the most part, stayed quiet because I didn't know what to say. I was scared I was going to fuck this up. I know I shouldn't have been since he's okay with the LGBT+ community but still I was dealing with unnecessary anxiety.
"Gee? You haven't said anything, is everything alright? I haven't made it weird have I?" Frank asked in a panic, scared because he might have said something wrong.
"No! No, everything's alright, I just... I just didn't know what to say..."
"Oh..." Frank got real quiet then, which was unusual for him as normally he never shuts up.
We didn't really say anything after that, partially because Frank had to leave since my parents were back. Partially because we didn't really feel like talking anymore, what needed to be said was said.
***
That night, after I had said my prayers, I kept having these thoughts about Frank. It was odd, because I had never had thoughts like this before. They were dirty ones, fantasies of lust. My body was getting hot and uncomfortable, I could feel it. The bulge in my boxers.
Oh geez, it felt good. I could feel the heat building up in my abdomen. I needed to release. I imagined it was Frank doing these things, whispering dirty things in my ear.
"AHHHH!"
I made a huge mess all over my stomach, the white substance quickly cooling and becoming sticky. But I was too embarrassed to do anything about it so I lay there with the uncomfortable stickiness on my stomach.
"Dear lord, I need to go to church and dump holy water over my head."
Here come dat boi,
O shit waddup?
(Alex you meme loving fuck.)
Oh Gee my poor innocent baby, I am going to corrupt you so much.
There will be a lot of sin.
-Alex.
