Cuddles

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Kol's arrival makes me nervous. My insides knot with anticipation as I wait for him to reveal his next grand scheme. His ideas aren't Marilyn Manson whacky, but they feel weird for me. I'm more of a turtle in that sense, duck for cover when danger is around and slow moving.

Although Jason hasn't gained contact with me to explain how he's going to crush me into tiny pieces and hide my body somewhere... The silence doesn't feel like his acceptance to me moving on. Adding in the fact his record label has retweeted my music video gives the impression I might be murdered within the near future. I'll make a note of keeping away from dark alleyways.

"Your next song should be slow so that it shows the power in your voice," explains Kol. His hands fly up as he gets into explain the importance of showing off the power in my voice.

Darla didn't show an overwhelming approval to my song, but I think deep down she enjoyed it. I'd given her a copy of it this morning and she played the song during the peak period. If that wasn't approval enough, well, I'm not sure if Darla is capable of anything else.

If I took Kol's direction for the next song, maybe I'd win her over. I needed Darla on my side to help spread the music around. With her help, surprisingly, I'd be able to market it to the real world. Our coffee shop gets a decent amount of traction from the locals.

First the coffee shop, and then we'd tackle the bars. And by, we, I mean Annalise's flirty contacts would come in handy.

"Let me guess, you've already planned out what's happening?" I laugh.

"A live recording from your piano, some harsh dark lighting." His lips quirk into a smile from the idea playing in his mind.

"Should I change?" I look down at my work clothing and frown. I wouldn't know what to wear for this.

"Wear something white," he explains.

"Okay." I nod my head.

Walking into my bedroom, I frown at the task ahead. I think I only have one white dress since I've made it a bad habit of ruining such pretty things. I rip the clothing out of my draws in hunt of the white dress my parents had gifted me last Christmas.

In a crumpled heap towards the back of the drawer, I find the long maxi dress and smile with relief. This has to work, I guess.

Pulling my work clothing off, I dump them on the ground and change into my dress. The top section is tight fitting and then flairs around my wait. I spin from side to side and the material floats through their air. Perfect.

I walk into the lounge room and find Kol already setting up the space. He's uncovered my piano and is playing around with lighting. He has a lamp tilted against the back of the couch to create a back shadow.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

As Kol spins around, I notice the sheer shock consume his face. He blinks a couple of times before regaining his thought process.

"I um, yeah, we're ready." He nods his head.

"Awesome." I smile proudly on the inside.

Taking my seat at the piano, I stretch out my hands and think of a song to sing. I've probably written the same amount of heartbroken songs as Taylor Swift. But the one that comes to mind, I think it'll do. It's no chart topper like, Tay Tay, but I think it'll be good enough.

Kol grabs the camera and sets the tripod up. As I look over my shoulder, I see Kol give me a thumbs up.

"I'm ready when you are," he says.

Shaking my shoulders, stretching my neck and finally warming up my voice. I slip away into the state I was in once before, heartbroken. The pain of his words, the clenching of my heart, and the desire to let it all go consumes me once more.

My fingers stoke the piano keys and I find myself lost in my own world.

Kol's camera in my face is an annoyance, but the look of pure joy and excitement from the great footage keeps me motivated to continue the song and to forget about the distraction.

"You left me crying on the street... I bet you never think of me. Why would you even bother? I'm nothing but." A sob clogs my throat. I stop playing and I look down and cry. Despite the fact I'm reliving these emotions just for show, they feel completely real... like I'm not quite over Jason.

The thought of Jason angers me, a sick pool of utter hate in my system.

"Why would you bother?" I sing, the anger coming out of my voice. "I'm nothing but a faded hope, a pick me up on dark days. I'd never be the light to save us, now I'm just a broken bulb, tossed away like broken goods."

The power of my feelings take over. My mind is hazed, but my voice is strong. I sing what comes to mind and I don't stop to fear the consequences of my actions. When the tune comes to an end, I play enough to finish the song perfectly.

As the tune fades, I cross my arms over my face and collapse on the piano. I don't stop, I let my body drain away those emotions so that they're gone.

I know I'd never be the same Lola after Jason, and I'd struggled to get back to her. I didn't need to be the same old Lola, I needed to give myself the change to move forwards and accept the chance of change. I needed to let the pain of the past go so that I can more onto a better tomorrow.

Getting up from the chair, I wipe away the tears and walk past Kol and to my bedroom.

Kol tries to follow me inside, but I lock the door and hide under the blanket. I know I want to be a better me, but I don't know how to get there. I fall into the same pattern as old Lola, broken and hurting. I'm always wanting to lean on someone else and never myself.

Taylor Swift might write about the same songs over and over again, but it makes her relatable. Sometimes you can't avoid the heartbreak, and sometimes you can't always move on as quickly as everyone else.

Somehow, Taylor made feeling heartbroken alright... that it didn't need to cripple you as people made it seem. Heartbroken didn't always have to be bad, it was just a casualty of life.

Hopefully, Kol wouldn't be a casualty of it.

Question: What is holding you back from x?