Clary remembered what it was like when she first got to the Institute. She headbutted Izzy upon meeting her, she inconvenienced Jace by making him carry her all the way there, and she pissed off Alec because she disrupted the peace and his controlled environment. That, and she caught the interest of Jace, which made things even worse between her and Alec.
Clary and Alec were never really meant to get along very well. She was very passionate and loud about what she loved; she was never afraid to take risks and speak her mind. On the contrary, Alec wasn't exactly shy, but he was much more closed off and to himself than Clary. He held back some of the most important parts of his character in order to keep his family safe and happy. He hid his feelings in order to make everyone else's future better. He always thought of others, he was a good leader and protector. Clary knew that, understood it.
But what always threw her off was how little he thought of himself. She confronted him about it when she tried to get him to admit his feelings for Jace, and when she told him she was glad he was doing something for himself. Even though she barely knew him, she was always so concerned about Alec's happiness and well-being.
That was what confused Alec. Why should she care? It wasn't like she would gain or lose anything either way, was it? She went so out of her way to make sure he was happy, or at least that he wasn't unhappy. He didn't get how someone so different from him that also knew he disliked them could want to help him so much. He thought there might have been some higher meaning to it or something, but the case was simple: Clary just thought that Alec should be allowed to be happy and himself.
He was unsure why, but the fact that she cared so much infuriated Alec. Well, okay, maybe he wasn't that mad, but it still agitated him.
~~~~~~~~~~
Alec pulled Clary aside, quite literally. They stood in his room, alone.
"What is it, Alec? I was kind of in the middle of something," Clary said, clearly inconvenienced.
"Why do you care?" Alec said a little too suddenly.
"Um, because it was important?" Clary responded.
"No, no, I mean...why do you care about me so much? It doesn't make any sense," Alec rephrased.
"Well, neither does what you're saying right now. What are you talking about?" Clary had no clue what Alec was trying to say, but that usually happens with him.
"You don't even know me. You've only known me for, what, a month or two? And you're always so worried about me, like I'm of extremely high value to you. Why would I be? What have I done for you? I belittle you, discourage you. I don't understand it...I don't understand you," Alec explained.
"Alec..." Clary started, "I don't need to have some all-mighty bond with you to care about you. I know we fight and disagree a lot, but I know that you do great things for everyone, and that you are good at doing those things. You are of high value to me. And there are things you've done for me," Clary walked over to the bed and sat down. Alec trailed behind her and leaned on the chair in his room.
Clary continued, "For one, you decided not to kick me out or kill me," the statement earned a small laugh from Alec, "So there's that. You helped me find my mother. You didn't get as mad as I thought you would at..a lot of things I've done..." She trailed off, trying not to remember the details.
Alec decided to amuse himself, "Really now? Do tell me, what things did you think I would get mad at you for?"
Clary hesitated with her words, "Well...I kind of got your crush to like me...?" Alec nodded in sarcastic agreement, "Sorry about that, by the way. I also dragged a mundane into the Institute, which I know was very risky. Now he's involved with official business, and he's also, you know, a vampire...." Clary winced at her words, "I also ran off by myself that one time...."
Alec interrupted her words, "Yeah, that kind of ticked me off. Jace got mad as hell that day, and I missed a chance to meet with Magnus too, for your information."
Clary had a look of mild guilt on her face, "Oh, God...did I make you miss a potential date? I am so sorry. Neither of you were too upset, were you?" She was visibly worried.
Alec chuckled at her questions, "First of all, not a date, he just invited me over for drinks. And no, I wasn't as mad about missing out with Magnus. I was mostly mad that I got so distracted that you had a big enough window of time to sneak out. And I don't think Magnus minded either, it probably made things more interesting for him. Don't worry about things between me and him, it's fine." Alec flashed her a reassuring smile. Clary sighed in relief.
"Alright, if you say so. But, it was totally gonna be a date. Don't lie to yourself, " Clary teased.
"Whatever you say, Miss 'I left my ringer on even though I was using an invisibility rune'," Alec joked.
Clary jokingly defended herself, "Hey! I was in a rush, alright?" They laughed at their little inside joke.
They wore silent smiles for a moment. Alec broke the silence, "So you still haven't really answered my question. Why do you care about me so much?"
Clary thought about what to say back. "Well...you fight so hard, and so well. But it's never for yourself. Like, I know you just want to protect everyone: your family, the Institute, and although you don't think highly of them, mundanes...but don't you ever want to fight for yourself? Don't try to hide the fact that you're...well, hiding. That rune on your neck can only do so much."
She waited for him to respond. Finally, he spoke, "Hey, don't answer my question with another."
"It's just...I think you deserve happiness as much as you think Jace, or Isabelle, or whoever else deserves it. I just think it's unfair that you do so much for everyone else, but you don't seem to get much in return, " she finally said.
Alec was dumbfounded. "You think I deserve something for this? The honor is in the deed, I get honor in return. That's what makes me happ-"
Clary stood up, cutting him off, "No! You aren't happy, Alec. Not as happy as you could be. You have to deal with so much conflict, you never seem to be happy for longer than a couple minutes. How can you stand for all of it? Your parents are so hard on you and Isabelle, you can't tell Jace how you feel, you deny the fact that Magnus has obviously taken interest in you, you have to deal with me and everything else that comes with me...." Clary began to tear up.
"Don't you want to be happy? Don't you want to feel content with how things are? Fall in love with someone that loves you too, find something you enjoy, fight your own battles, not have to be so worried about everyone else and a little more about yourself? Caring about yourself isn't selfish...it's necessary," she was crying softly now.
"Clary..." Alec mumbled. He hesitated to touch her, as if she would shatter if he laid a finger on her. He slowly pulled her into a hug. Clary's eyes widened. She slowly returned the hug and sobbed into his shirt.
Alec spoke to her gently. "Clary, I'm glad you think I deserve to be happy, but...please don't cry like this, not for me. Look, I won't say you're right, but you aren't wrong. I should be standing up for myself more. Fight the system I guess. Thank you for caring so much. I think I get it now."
They pulled away from each other and separated. Alec offered her some tissues, and she blew her nose and wiped her tears away.
"I'm okay now..." Clary said, weakly.
"Good. You can go now. You should get back to that oh-so-important task you were doing," he joked.
Clary giggled, "Yeah...right."
She walked over to the door and stopped at the frame. "Never stop fighting," she said, "Don't you ever think for a second that you aren't worth a fight. Because you are." She left the room.
Alec stared at were she was. He laughed and shook his head.
He spoke to himself, "That girl...why do you care?"
He heard her voice a little outside his door, "Why don't you?"
~~~~~~~~~~
How was that? I hope this didn't seem like I ship Clary and Alec romantically, because I don't. Alec is hella gay, and that will not change. Clalec is strictly a Brotp. Leave a vote and a comment telling me your favorite thing to do! If you want, that is.
