Lost in Quietness -minizerk AU-

Fear

Simon's P.O.V.

"Hey Simon I was wondering if I could talk to you?" I hear Vik say out of my dorm room door.

I got up off of Josh's bed and pulled on one of his sweatshirts.

"What's up?" I asked as he comes inside.

I then fell on top of Josh's bed. Curling up as Vik sits on my bed.

"I visited Josh." Was all he said as he just sat there twiddling his fingers.

"Did he talk to you?" I asked confused of why he even went to visit Josh.

"Not at first, but soon after we got to talking. I know it seems weird that I went to visit him, but he isn't just your friend, he also all of ours. When you introduced us to him, he wasn't like Cal. He was sweet, kind, different. I told him that I want to get to know him more. I asked him if he wanted to move into my new apartment, he said yes. I know that isn't what you were planning, but I think it is best for him." Vik said looking up at me.

I sat up and looked down.

"If that is what he wants. Do you want to pack up his stuff, so he doesn't have to come visit?" I asked as Vik just looked at me.

I felt tears start to swell up in my eyes. I just looked down unable to control the feelings of frustration.

"I'm not going to let him just ignore you. He has to talk to you. He knows that. He's just, he's scared Simon. He's never had anyone who truly loves him and whenever he loves someone they always end up betraying him. You betrayed him. You left him all by himself. I know that you didn't mean to and I know that you love him, but that isn't just something to Josh. It is so much more. He can't just come back and live the life that you guys were living." Vik said as I looked up at me.

"I know, it just, it hurts so much Vik. I just want him to know that I miss him and that I didn't mean to hurt him. I just want the chance to at least hear his voice, even if he yells at me. I just want to hear his voice." I said as Vik nodded and kneeled down on the floor looking into my eyes.

"I know Simon. I know. He feels the same way. It just hurts to him a little. He loves you, he loves you so unbelievably much, but he needs to know that he can trust you." Vik said grabbing my hand.

He stood up and yanked me to get up.

"Where are we going?" I whined as he just smiled.

"To go see Josh." Vik said as I pulled him back.

"I don't want to upset him. He sounds like he is getting better and I am only going to make it worse for him." I said looking down.

"You both need to face your fears." Vik said lifting up my chin.

~~~~~~~

The drive there was quiet and kind of awkward. I didn't want Josh to be upset because of me. I don't want to hurt him.

"You sit down on the bench over there, I'm going to get Josh." Vik said as I sat down.

Wow this place has a beautiful garden.

I sat down looking around. I heard the door open and the two talking. Oh how beautiful his voice sounded. So full of life, joy, happiness. Then he'll see me and I will ruin everything.

I looked over to them noticing that neither Vik nor Josh were looking this direction. I ran, I ran away as fast as I could. I can't do this to Josh. I can't hurt him even more than I already have. I can't watch him hurt.

I'm sorry Joshua, I'm so sorry.