Lost in Quietness -minizerk AU-

Goodbye?

Josh's P.O.V.

I watched as the security took Simon away. All I could think about was what Cal said to me.

-earlier-

I sit down on the bench thinking about Vik. What if he did bring Simon? What if he didn't mean to hurt me?

"Hey." Was all I could hear as I looked up.

It was Cal, what was he doing here. I got up and he pulled my arm.

"I'm not going to hurt you, at least physically, all I am going to say is that Simon is mine. I have no entire fucking clue what he saw in you. I mean seriously look at you, you are fat, ugly, worthless, fucking wimp. You are a waste of space, even Simon knows that. He is still caught in your spell but that will change soon enough. If he does come to visit though remember those hickeys on his neck are mine." He said as he let go of my arm as I ran into the hospital.

I walked into my room the nurses not even noticing that I was gone. Why am I here? Why am I alive? I am a waste of space.

I grabbed a piece of paper and started to write. 

Dear anyone and everyone who ever 'cared'

I didn't think that my life would come down to this. In school they always show you these movies where the kid from the house of abuse or some sort made it to become a genius. I guess my story is nothing like that. Instead I am here writing my suicide note. The note that your love ones would fine and cry because they can't believe that the one they love most has died. For me on the other hand, doctors will see this. No one who loves me. I don't deserve things like love. I never have. Who am I kidding I am worthless and I am not meant to be loved.

Simon, I remember the first time I met you. You were the first person to come up to me and tried to talk to me. There was something different about you. I felt like I could trust you, I guess I was mistaken. I still love you and I will never love anyone as much as I love you. I know I shouldn't love you-

-Simon and Josh talk, Josh goes back to writing-

I watched as Simon was taken away and I started to write the letter again.

I know I shouldn't love you, but I do. It reminds me of the quote that everyone kept saying from perks of being a wallflower 'we except the love we think we deserve' I think that is my whole entire story. I don't deserve to be happy and I guess that is why I chose you.

Vik I'm sorry for thinking that you would lie to me. I should have never thought that. You were my only true friend. I pushed you away because I wanted to be with someone else. I am truly sorry. You showed me a different side of the world. I am so glad and thankful and proud to say that you are my friend. Thank you for being there.

Last but certainly not least, this goes out to my sister who was never born. I don't know how my life would've been if I had met you. I don't know if I would be happier or if everything would just be worse. I always wondered if you were alive then maybe we would still be with mum. But that isn't how life works. You don't get what you want. It's like that stupid quote from school 'you get what you get and you don't get upset' that is just some bull. Just like the golden rule 'treat others the way you want to be treated' which is even more bull because people treat me like crap and they get nothing back for it. I'm done with life sis. I'm coming to you and mum.

Love,
Joshua

I folded the note and got up and walked to the end of the hallway.

"Um sir, where are you going?" One of the ladies at the desk asked.

I looked over to see some signing in but I couldn't tell who it was.

"I'm going to the roof." I said and she just nodded.

I opened the door and walked up the stairs. I got to the roof and looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry for being worthless. I am sorry for wasting another's spot in this universe. Goodbye everyone and anyone. Goodbye the one who had loved me." I said as I turned around and closed my eyes and got ready to fall.

I felt someone grab my shirt and I looked to see Tobi and then Vik who were dragging me off of the edge.

"Oh my god I thought I was going to lose you." Vik said hugging me tightly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as Tobi grabbed Vik from me.

"Simon came and told us that he thought that you were going to kill yourself. I guess he was right." Tobi said hugging me as I hugged back.

"I thought you were getting better, and, and when I saw Simon running into our room crying I knew something was wrong." Vik said in between sobs.

"If he cares so much then where is he? Oh yeah that's right he doesn't care." I said as I fell to the ground.

"Look." Tobi said as I looked down and saw Simon on the ground.

I felt tears started to swell up. I ran to the stairs and heard someone open the door at the bottom. I ran down to see Simon and he was crying I just hugged him and held him.

"I can't stop loving you." I said as I started to cry.

"I'm sorry for ever hurting you." He said actually meaning it this time.

I could tell that he actually cared. That he felt bad about what he had done.

"I never meant to hurt you. You are no where close to worthless. You are so much more to me than you think. You mean so much and I truly do mean that." He said looking at me in the eyes.

I could see the warmth and safety emitting from his eyes, something that was gone for so long.

"I know Simon, and I love you." I said as he just cried even more with joy.