The Middle | Hemmings + Styles AU

40. now or never

"So, do you feel like a proper rockstar now?"

I took a sip of my milkshake, watching Luke stir the straw around in his. We were supposed to go out for lunch but I didn't want to leave Aunty Peg for too long. I was still feeling guilty about yesterdays episode.

There was this tiny voice haunting me, telling me that maybe if I hadn't spent the last two weeks wrapped up in bed sheets with Harry, I might have known what was going on with Aunty Peg. Even before that, I was so occupied with Luke and the store and Louis' baby mama drama. I was supposed to be looking after my Aunt while my parents were gone. She always had my back, and I'd slipped up in a way that good have ended much worse than it did.

So, my catch up with Luke had to be short and sweet: milkshakes it was. He'd just finished telling me about the backstage antics with The Forgotten Kids, and how good it felt to play to a crowd night after night.

There was a light in his eyes as he spoke, and he seemed different. More confident, maybe. Like for the first time he really believed that the band could get out of this town and out into the world.

"Rockstar? Me? No," Luke laughed, shaking his head. "Maybe after a few more trips. Or once we headline our own tour."

My eyebrows raised at the confidence in his voice. "You thinking about going back on the road already? You just got back."

I cringed at the way I sounded like the needy girlfriend who'd been left behind while he was on tour. It was a voice that wasn't mine to own, given how I'd kept myself occupied while Luke was away. Or who I'd kept myself occupied with.

Luke took a sip of his milkshake and rested his hands on the table carefully. Something about the gesture made me realise I was missing something.

I didn't know the how or where, but I knew the what. Luke might as well have had a flashing neon sign across his forehead. "You're going back, already, aren't you?"

"Grunge thinks we can capitalise on the success of the tour," Luke explained into his milkshake. "He thinks he can get us our own tour. I mean, nothing big of course. But some small pub venues around the country. He thinks - " Luke paused, looking up at me. "Grunge didn't tell you?"

I shook my head, remembering he had said there was something he wanted to talk to me about. Foolishly, I thought maybe he wanted to give me a raise. Or suggest we try a different type of receipt paper, or comment on how successful the loyalty program was going. I guess it was none of those things. "Me and Grunge haven't had much chance to talk since you guys get back." I swallowed hard, sending away the lump in my throat. "He's right, though. You know, strike while the iron is still hot, and all that."

"I wish I could take you with us."

He'd said that yesterday too, but we both knew it was both ridiculous and unrealistic. "And then who would run the store?" I tried to smile. "Who'd keep Louis from breaking the register or setting the alarm off?"

"Who'd look after sweet old ladies like Doris?" Luke added with a sad smile. "It'd just be nice, I guess." He shrugged. I shrugged back. We both knew what we meant. Who knew a shrug could convey so much? "Anyway, you were probably right."

My head tipped to the side. "I was?"

"Yeah. It's definitely the wrong time for us to commit to each other. I'm going to be on the road and like you said, we don't want to ruin our friendship." He licked his lips. "Right?"

He was basically compartmentalising me into a box labelled Friend Zone, and oddly enough, I was kind of okay with that. Maybe everything I said to him before he left for the tour wasn't just because I was freaked out and scared of commitment. Maybe it was the truth we both needed to hear.

"Right," I smiled, holding my milkshake up to toast him. "To being friends."

He clinked his metal cup against mine and smiled. "To being friends."

-

When Luke dropped me home, I invited him inside because I figured that's what friends do. Right? Aunty Peg was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, her eyes glued to a Sex And The City re-run.

"I didn't expect you to be back so soon," she said, not tearing her eyes away from the tv. "How was your date?"

"It wasn't a date," I cleared up. Behind me, I heard a low chuckle from Luke. The sound made my Aunt's head whip around so quick, she practically gave herself whiplash.

"Luke," she smiled, her face suddenly animated. "What a pleasant surprise. Come and sit down, for goodness sake. Don't stand there like a beam holding up the ceiling."

She patted the spot next to her and Luke sat down. I sprinkled a little food into the fish tank and then grabbed my laptop, sitting down on the other side of Luke so that he was in the middle of me and Aunty Peg.

The email I was expecting was there, waiting patiently. "Mum and Dad just emailed me their last itinerary."

"I still think they're madder than a drunk Irishmen for coming home soon."

"They've been gone for almost a year. I think that's plenty."

"There's nothing for them here," Aunty Peg argued. I knew she was still tired from the whole hospital ordeal. She gets snappy and argumentative when she's tired.

"I'm going to pretend I'm not offended by that comment." She was right, in a way.

"Hey," Luke interrupted gently. "Do you think they'll be back before I leave again? I'd love to meet them."

"Depends when you leave, I guess." I suddenly felt anxious. I'd never introduced my parents to a boy before. Not a boy that mattered, anyway.

Then I remembered our new-found pact to be friends. It made me stomach lurch a little. Guess that made Luke safe for parental introductions. I closed the email, already up on my feet. "Actually, do you mind staying here and looking after Aunty Peg for an hour or so?"

Aunty Peg's voice snapped again: "I don't need looking after."

We both ignored her. "Yeah, sure," Luke said. "Where are you going?"

"Just to talk to Grunge. There's some business stuff I want to chat to him about. Maybe I can see if he has anymore tour news too."

Luke agreed, and asked Aunty Peg if she'd like another cup of tea. I printed out the document that I'd been working on while Grunge and the boys had been on the road. This wasn't exactly how I'd planned to do it. Harry had offered to look over it before I gave it to Grunge, but I didn't want to waste anymore time.

My parents would be home soon, Luke would be back on the road. The way Harry and I left things yesterday felt so... final. It felt like everything was changing without me. I couldn't stop it, I could only change with it.

It was now or never.