Her Dark Desire (In the Process of Being Edited)

24: Zeke

   I could hear my father screaming my name. I glance over at the clock to see it was barely noon. What he could possibly want now, I didn’t know. Last night until the early morning that man had had me in his office, telling me how I ruined his life. His life, I laugh. I’m the one facing time in jail, maybe death if they can pin the other murders on me. All I want to do is snuggle up with Paisley and sleep. That one thought causes my body to be a mix of emotions. I feel pleasure at thinking of being with her but the memory of what I saw last night still haunts me. My heart aches when I think of Paisley and Damien together. It’ll never happen though, the voice tells me.

                “Zeke,” he screams again. I shake the thoughts away. I hate feeling this way. Something has to change. My father continues to scream my name but I’m not ready to hear his rants. It’s pointless; I’ll never stop being friends with Paisley. She is the only one who accepts me for me. The only one who will ever love me regardless of what the media says about me.

                “Go to your father Zeke. You’ll just make him angry.” My mother limps into my room; the fresh bruise is still visible on her plump face. She sees the frown but before I can say anything she silence me with a hand on my cheek. “I deserved this,” she says. “I had no right to interfere with your father.”

                “How can you say that,” I ask. “You were only defending me. He shouldn’t have hit you.” I stand abruptly; her hand falls to the bed. “This can’t go on,” I whisper.

                “Please, Zeke. Don’t make it any worse for yourself.” I can’t do what she wants. I can’t ignore the rage that lies dormant inside of me. Each day it wakes a little. I can feel it rousing, begging me to give in and end the cause of my pain and suffering. There’s pain in my mother’s eyes as she looks up at me. They plead for me to behave like I have for so many years. To be the good little boy my father wants but it’s too late for that. He doesn’t deserve your respect any longer. Give in. The whispers never leave me; they prod and push me into doing something I’m not certain I should.

                I’m weak. How can I live up to the expectations of the rage inside? I’ll only fail. I look back at my mother. She sits with her head in her hand, rocking back and forth. Her body shakes with small tremors.

                “Zeke, don’t make your father angry. This isn’t easy for anyone, especially him.” She wipes away the tears from her swollen eyes. “Do as he asks. Okay sweetie.” I stare at her but not really seeing anything.

                “I love you mom, you know that but at this moment I hate you. How can you defend his actions when you sit there with bruises on your face and probably more under those clothes? It’s not right what he’s doing. It’s not like I set out to destroy his reputation. I had nothing to do with killing Trudy. Yes, I made mistakes but don’t you think I’m hurting. I’m the one being punished for this. Not you, not him.” I struggle for the right words to say. I never wanted to be the reason my mother cried. I take a deep breath and exhale. “I’m sorry.” That’s all I can say to her. I turn and leave out the room.