Harrison Avenue // H.S.

(Ano)the(r) Thing About Elle

                  

Here's Matt again! Pre-Harry.

[Matt]

Here's the thing about Elle... she likes to be alone.

I used to think it was a front because I remember in a class talking about how humans are just fundamentally wired to crave interaction, most of the time with other humans in at least some form. I used to think that she pretended that she was above a social aspect of life, not in an arrogant way, just in the way that it didn't give her any satisfaction. There are always exceptions in life and I just think that's what Elle is, an exception.

She likes to be alone but I don't think she is lonely.

She is often alone in a way that is contradicting in itself. Or at least she has her own exceptions in how she does it. She may keep to herself at school but she doesn't mind me hanging around her. She may disappear when we're not in school which shouldn't be as easy for her as it is since we live near each other, but she always shows up at these house parties that I finally decided to attend too after an incessant amount of nagging from Andrew. She likes to be alone but even then she isn't alone.

In some ways it's an accomplishment that she can even find a place of solace when this house is in the manner that it is, crammed with people, loud with repetitive music... even the air is crowded as it sometimes feels difficult to breathe. Elle knows this place though, knows how the waves of people in attendance changes every week, and she knows where to go to hide away from everyone who doesn't know how to handle their alcohol. So even if there are people all around, she still has her own space to be alone.

I think the first time she saw me here she thought she was dreaming. I had said no thank you to her so many times that it had become a habit whenever she politely asked if I wanted to join. Until recently I didn't have much interest in parties but in some ways that has changed now that is junior year. Andrew is out of the house and even though that made it more difficult for him to remind me of every Friday night party, it was like his voice was still constantly there. Luckily, I've been able to resist his attempts to make me drink anything he gets his hands on.

He hasn't been coming here as much but I don't exactly know why. We never talk about anything deeper than simple conversations because I'm not even sure Andrew has it in him. It's probably good though because he's been out of high school for a few years now and it's starting to become a little strange for him to be hanging around here when most of those filling the crowded rooms are in high school.

It's almost become a game for me to find Elle here. There's a list in my head of the places she frequents that I've been slowly compiling, the kitchen for drinks, the back porch when no one is outside, the top of the stairs near the railing, and sometime upstairs in the second room down the hallway... but I never follow her there because, well, because.

I don't try and go out of my way to follow her or bug her. I just like to see where she found alone space and maybe sometimes have a short conversation. I don't like to bother her but she is often the best person to talk to at these parties... even if it's only for a few minutes.

Tonight she's somewhere new and it's not in a place where I could casually run into her. It takes a little more effort to find her sitting on an old wooden bench at the side of the house further from her usual spot on the wrap around porch. She's staring forward, her feet propped up on the railing that's chipping with white paint, and there is a red cup in her hand that she is slowly sipping on.

I hesitate for a second, wondering if I should go up to her because this feels a little more like I'm following her than usual but her quiet self in this chaotic environment feel like it's pulling me to her, so I just follow my feet.