DEATH'S HEART

Chapter 16 (Radish Fiction Version)

That name! How it mocked my very existence. I knew this name much too well. A label bestowed upon me by my human parents lifetime after lifetime.

I was Jiva in India. The living. The existing.

I was Ahelia in Israel. The breath. The source of life.

I was Hawwa in Egypt. A woman. The giver of life.

I was was Qi in China. The life force.

I was Yolihuani in Mexico. The source of life

I was Enid in London. Soul. Life.

I was Evalouise in Mississippi. The famous giver of life.

I was Yoshiki in Japan. Perfumed life.

I was Eshe in Somalia. I was Vidal in Spain. In the present lifetime, I was called 'Asha'. All meant 'life'.

No matter how differently it had been written; no matter how differently it had been said in those lifetimes, the meaning and essence was the same. Life.

The women who gave birth to me must have known who and what I was to let me bask in the irony of the name they bestowed upon me in the last ten lives I led. Were they warned just like when Maryam was told that she was to bring Yeshua into this world? It must have been terrifying for my mothers to know that they were bringing death into the world. Did they think that by naming me the way they did would counteract the curse I brought? A curse. To humans, dying was a curse. Indeed. The feeling was mutual. Humanity was a curse! I did not understand why I continued to walk the earth in this form. No, I was not condemned to live as a human. I brought myself to life willingly, and I could not remember the reason why. I accepted a challenge ten lifetimes ago. If I killed this body now then I would have completed my eleventh life. But will it stop here? It has to! I need this life to be my last. I can not keep looking for answers to questions. I want to forget. Forget what exactly? The reason why I had been walking the earth? That I was human? I can not live again in another time, in another body! I felt like something was churning within me, just underneath my heart. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I was going to choke. I tried to keep my breathing in a steady rhythm, otherwise I would explode. I could not understand all these emotions, but I knew hate tainted the blood that ran through my veins. Humanity was so defenseless against all these frivolous emotions! It was consuming every ounce of my energy. Living a life that was susceptible to these emotions was insufferable. I did not want to feel weakness. I did not want to be vulnerable.

I am Death! I do not belong here!

"Asha?" I heard the voice again.

Pain. I felt a pang of pain throbbing inside my head as I was forced to awaken from my true reality.

"Can you hear me?" asked the soft voice.

Yes, I could hear him but I refused to stir. Maybe I could return to my true self if I shut him out.

"If you can hear me," he continued, "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I didn't expect things to lead to this."

I sensed the regret in his voice, and it somehow made my emotions stir. I was fully awake but I refused to open my eyes. Pretending to be asleep, I kept still. Maybe he will stop talking. Maybe, with a little more effort, I can shut him out.

"Asha?"

Stop calling me that! I yelled at him in my mind, not being able to hold myself back from frowning.

I heard him take a quick draw of breath. He sprung closer to the edge of the bed and asked, "Are you awake? Can you hear me? How are you feeling?" he asked without a pause.