Summer Thoughts

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26 ● 01 ● 16

(n) The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Dear me,

you’re still alive.

You’re still breathing, and you’re still beautiful. I know things have been rough, especially since Mom and Dad’s divorce, but guess what buddy, you made it.

It’s been 5 whole years. I remember how scared you were, that deep down you believed that love never existed because Mom left.

She and Dad were perfect, weren’t they? Until she packed all her bags and  ran away without leaving a note or even a goodbye. To this day, I still don’t know why she left, but Dad’s getting better.

Remember when Dad kept telling you that he was really good at painting and you’d just laugh at him? I got him a palette and a few paintbrushes to try and cheer him up, and his art is absolutely amazing. He likes to keep it private though, and only shows it to me.

So many things changed, and I wish I could’ve gone back to tell you that love exists, that you’re going to fall in love with the guy that works in Ben and Jerry’s, and that he proposed to you by hiding the ring in a tub of ice cream. That Dad is happier than ever in his quiet studio that he bought, and he’s gotten a little kitten that he adores whom he named Jellybean, and I’ve gotten attached to the 5 year old boy I babysit that has wild curly red hair, and everything is just wonderful. You’re going to find that you’ll love counting the stars until you would fall asleep. I really do wish I could go back in time to tell you that things would get better. But I guess I would’ve just spoiled the fun. Please just don’t be hard on yourself, and remember to take care of yourself. Even with all those hardships, you’re going to make it.

Love,

your future self