Winter Camp

Chapter 17 - Liana

He didn't understand. But then, why should he? I'd basically been lying to him all this time... or hiding the truth. He didn't understand that I couldn't leave, that I had to stay at home, that by being here for longer than I should have been I was already pushing the limit.

"I need to go," I muttered, forcing back angry tears.

"Wait!" Olly grabbed me, but I lurched out of his grasp, tugging my arm away from his hold. "We'll sort this out, we'll figure out something..."

"Like what Olly?" I unnecessarily yelled, making him flinch. "Like fucking what?!"

"I don't know," Olly whispered. "Something."

"Olly, this isn't going to work is it?" I said, my voice cracking. I dug my nails in my palms, begging myself to stop crying.

"Don't," Olly said desperately, trying to grab me again, but I shrugged him off. "Liana don't say that, don't do this."

"I have to," I croaked, wanting Olly to grab me again and never let me go, but he didn't he just stared at me in shock. "Olly, whatever this is... it's over okay? It can't work, it will never work, we should have realized it sooner."

"You don't mean that!" Olly whispered urgently. "Things just look bad the the moment-"

"Things look impossible," I corrected quickly. "It can't work."

"Look, give me a few days, we'll sort this out!"

"I'm leaving in a few days Olly!" I breathed. He wasn't letting go, I needed him to let it go. "I don't like you enough to prepare myself to make this work."

"What?" Olly slunk back like I'd slapped him, his face a picture of complete and utter betrayal that made my heart ache and want to scream that I took the words back, but I didn't.

"You heard me," I muttered, forcing back the tears that were seconds away from falling. "It's over."

I ran through the door, and as soon as Olly could no longer see me tears were streaking down my face. I ran until I got as far away from the cabin as the perimeter of the camp would allow, until my legs physically collapsed under me as I sobbed and cried and gasped until I was out of tears and oxygen. I wiped a hand over my tear-stained face, blinking away the tears and breathing deeply through my nose.

"Liana?" I turned at the sound of Jenny's voice. "I was about to tag you but... are you... crying?"

Suddenly, I was in Jenny's arms, hugging her like I could never let her go.

"Oh my god," she breathed. "Has he? He didn't...?"

I shook my head, nuzzling my face into her shoulder as she held me tightly, her arms her next best thing to Olly's. "I did, I ended it."

"What!" Jenny exclaimed. "No offense Liana, but what the hell are you doing?!"

I sobbed harder. "I couldn't... He couldn't... I wouldn't..."

"Sh," Jenny soothed. "Let me guess, you were talking about what happens after the camp?"

I nodded. 

"Well," Jenny sighed. "I guess you couldn't live in a fairy tale forever... so, you asked him to come visit you, right?"

I nodded again. "He doesn't like going to the same place twice," I squeaked, my voice strained and raw as it stuck in my throat.

"Ah, and I bet he asked you to travel to see him?" Jenny guessed. I nodded again.

Jenny sighed. "And you didn't tell him about your mum?"

I shook my head quickly. "I can't do it jenny, I can't look in his eyes and see the same sympathy I see when I look at everyone elses."

"Honestly Liana, I don't think he's like that," Jenny said gently. "Why don't you just try..."

"No!" I blurted. "I can't tell him, I won't tell him and... god, I should be at home right now Jenny."

"Well there's nothing you can do about it," Jenny sighed. "Remember, the flight next flight leaves tonight is full, we have to get the flight on Friday you know that..."

"I know!" I sobbed. "Look, can you tell Mr Morris and the instructor I've gone to bed with a headache? I can't face anyone right now."

"Of course," Jenny nodded. "You'll be okay, right? I mean, I'll be in later and..."

"I'll be fine Jenny," I chocked. "Just go."

Jenny nodded and ran off whilst I trailed back to my cabin, going the long way to avoid having to go past Olly's cabin.

I curled up in bed fully-clothed, shoes and all. I lay there for hours with my eyes squeezed shut, listening to Jenny come in a few hours later. I could sense her watching me for a while, that worried frown probably etched on her face. I felt her silently slip my shoes off, and then she changed and got into bed. It was a while before I heard the gentle snores that signified she was in one of her deep sleeps.

I climbed out of bed, slipping my shoes back on. I dressed as warmly as I could and packed as much as I could into a backpack, thinking that Jenny could just bring the rest of my luggage when the rest of them got the plane on Friday, I had to travel light, and I had to travel tonight.

"I'm coming mom," I muttered to myself, opening the door and feeling the sobering air hit me, making me even more sure of what I was about to do.