Furtive | Tronnor

e i g h t

i think troye saw things
things he shouldn't have seen

and the scariest part of all is i dont think i would've really minded if he had read all of those damned words
if he knew what had been eating away at me
if he'd known what i'd become

and it's so frightening because i've never been the type of person to let people in
never been the kind of guy to place so much trust into another individual
i've adapted to being alone
i'm comfortable that way
(i convince myself anyway)

and some cocky self assured teenage boy shouldn't have the ability to change that
i don't want him to
i don't need him to

except

he is
i think he already has

-

In the Sunday that followed, Troye somehow managed to spend the whole day in bed. Despite having his social media websites open on both his phone and Macbook, his thoughts could only gravitate towards one thing; Connor's Journal.

It was eating Troye alive, not knowing what was going through Connor's mind. From what he had read in the journal, it seemed as if those very thoughts weren't exactly pleasant. They seemed twisted, corrupted, damaged almost.

When Troye really thought about it, when he buried himself further under the unmade bedcovers and worn out duvet with his thoughts askew, it made him realise that Connor really wasn't an open book that everybody could read. He really did resemble his journal and the contents inside; secretive, enclosed, darker than anyone would ever expect.

A part of Troye longed to know more. He yearned for the revelation of untold secrets, the stories of hurt and discomfort. He really wanted to get to know Connor on the deepest and at the most personal of levels.

That was scaring him more than a little.

It was also beyond frustrating. How he was feeling such things over one boy. How such platonic (he assumed) interest had began to completely ruin him and his usually confident and careless character.

He groaned in defeat as pushed his head further into the pillow, the sound of frustration causing Tyde to appear from around his door.

"Someone's happy." He commented when Troye emerged from his blanket fortress, a distressed expression appearing on his face.

Troye tried to think of a witty comeback but instead found himself slumping against the wall in defeat. The boy seemed pained, and it didn't take Tyde long to realise their usual back and forth banter wouldn't be exchanged today.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Tyde sounded almost serious for once in his life, which happened to be a rare kind of thing. He sat on the edge of Troye's bed with his arms folded, his eyes filled with concern but also hints of curiosity.

"Have you ever wanted to help someone, but just...you don't know how to?"

Tyde scrunched his face. "I'm going to have to ask you to elaborate."

Troye sighed, running his hand through unkempt hair as he pondered further. "Like when you know that there's shit going on in someone's life and you don't know what said shit is, but you still feel like you want to help regardless?"

The corners of Tydes mouth twitched. "Who exactly are we talking about Troye?"

Troye narrowed his eyes. "That isn't relevant."

Tyde seemed like he disagreed with that, but ultimately fought against getting Troye to open up further. Despite how close the two brothers were, it was an infrequent occurrence for Troye to speak so candidly and Tyde didn't want to push through the boundaries of that. Not yet anyway.