Crushed Lilies | Charming Tales Series Book : 1 ✔

~Afraid To Fall~

3rd June 2016

Dear diary,

Today, I helped him, again. He wants me to introduce her to him as she is my friend.

I asked her to join our table during lunch because he wanted to talk to her as he found her attractive and has a crush on her since junior school.

I still don't know what is more difficult or what is more frustrating,

The fact that:
1. I fell in love with my best friend.
2. I know that I won't be able to make him mine.
3. He is in love with someone else.
4. I am helping him to pursue his love and
5. It is slowly and painfully killing me from inside everyday.

You know, when I used to read those cliché novels, where the two best friends fall in love with each other, I used to show those to him and we used to make fun of it together.

We made this pact to never fall for each other as our friends told us that best friend usually end up falling for each other and then get jealous when the other talks about their crushes.

Now I know what they meant. That best friends do fall for each other.

But in my case, it's only one sided.

I realised my feelings for him when he asked me to introduce her to him. I had this feeling in my gut to just go and kill that bitch with my bear hands. The feeling which told me to just go and beat the crap out of her and then feed her off to the wolves.

And most importantly, the feeling where I felt like the ship which just crashed with an iceberg and is a slowly sinking with people in it.

But here, my heart just crashed with an odd feeling of hurt and loneliness which is slowly sinking me, but out of this world.

Out of this world where I realised first love of every girl is left incomplete. A world where love is just game for people who love the players of this game.

And is now taking me to a world where everything is colourless. Where I now need to spend my life. A place which I want to colour with love.

But that can't happen now. Because the paints are now in someone else's hands and she is painting her world with different colours while I have to live with a colourless life.

I know that I should not have broken the pact. I should not have fallen for him. I should not have fallen for the wrong person. I should not have fallen for someone who will not catch me.

But there is this saying which I never believed until now that,

Love is the other name of tragedy which happens with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time and it slowly and painfully destroy the person from inside till the time where there is nothing left.

Now, I know, how much of it is true.