Be My Valentine <3

Be My Valentine <3 - Part 4B

(2 years earlier)

Dec 1st 2011

4:35 pm

I was sitting at the Coffee shop waiting for Sneha to arrive. She had said it was urgent, and I came here as fast as I could. I didn’t know what was going to be the outcome of the meeting, I seriously didn’t know what to expect. Things weren’t going great between us, I hadn’t seen her for several days, and we hadn’t spoken much. More than anything, I was just happy that I was going to see her today.

She finally arrived. She came and sat opposite me.

“Hello Raj.” she said.

“Hi Sneha. How are you.?” I said with a smile.

She didn’t reply to my question, but instead she said something that stunned me. “Raj, things are not working out between us. I don’t think we can go on any longer like this; at least I can’t. You have been trying to call me; you came to my house several times to meet me. But I was purposely avoiding you. I don’t want to see you hurt Raj. I really don’t. . . . . And I know it might be difficult for you. But I think it’s time for us to move on.”

The conviction with which she had said what she just said shocked me more than what she actually said. How could she do this to me.?  How could she say all this to me without feeling anything.?

All these months, I had tried hard to make her recall and remember her lost memories. It all went in vain because she still couldn’t remember anything, and it was like we hadn’t made any progress at all. But deep down, I still had hope, hope that one day I would get my old Sneha back. But now, as my Sneha sat right across me, I couldn’t help but feel that I was fighting a losing battle, that I was going to lose her forever.

With great difficulty, I said “You can’t do this to me Sneha. . . . . to us. You don’t remember me – fine. You don’t remember our marriage – fine. But don’t give up on me and my love Sneha, we will keep trying, we will try harder, and one day everything will come back to you. You are all that I have, please don’t abandon me.”

Her eyes moistened up a little. I was glad that at least she still had feelings left in her, human feelings and emotions. Slowly, she said “This won’t work out Raj. We have been trying this for several months now. Do you see any progress.? I am no longer the person whom you loved, whom you married. Please try to understand.”

“I don’t want to understand.” I said in frustration.

She said “I know you are angry. And mad. But I feel like I am stuck in a shell. My entire life is revolving around trying to remember something which I am not able to. And which I probably never will.”

I gasped. I couldn’t believe that I was here and having this conversation with her; every word of hers was so painful.

She continued “Life has brought us here Raj, not me. And I can’t keep living life like all this is my fault and that I need to fix it. No, I can’t. I didn’t want things to happen this way. But I am not able to force myself to feel something for you that I don’t. I am sorry. But I can’t allow someone else to dictate my life. I don’t want anyone to interfere in my life.”

Interfere in her life – Wow, those were big words she had used. I felt like a sword had just been shoved though my heart, because it was hurting me so damn much.

I showed her my hand and said “Please don’t. Please stop. I can’t hear this anymore. ”

I guess she had made up her mind before coming here on what she needed to do. And I guess nothing I said could change her mind.

I said “So this is it.? This is how it all ends.”

She looked towards me with those beautiful green eyes of hers. And then she just nodded her head. I guess she didn’t have any words left to say to me. We remained silent for a while.

Finally, breaking the silence, she said “I am leaving the country for a while. I will be flying out next month.”

I got up from my seat. I looked at her and said “You don’t have to tell me anything anymore. You are free now. I won’t interfere with your life. Heck, you won’t even have to see me anymore. Bye Sneha. And good luck.”

I turned around.

“Raj. . . . .” she said.

I ignored her. I kept walking. And I left.

Within a week, I was sent the divorce papers for me to put my signatures. I knew I had no right to keep Sneha from getting what she wanted, and so I sent the duly signed papers back as soon as I could. And just like how fast we had gotten married, everything between us had swiftly yet painfully ended.

13th Feb 2013

8:10 pm

I reached the hospital. After meeting Sneha’s parents and enquiring about her condition, I made my way towards the room where she was being kept.

I entered the room and saw her lying down. She saw me. I asked her “Are you alright.?”

She nodded her head.

“Why did you tell your Mom not to tell Ansh about this.?” I asked her.

“Because he will be unnecessarily worried. We have a big day tomorrow, and he needs all the rest that he can get.” she said.

She was correct. Ansh would have definitely gotten worked up about this, and that would have created a lot of problems. Sneha had always been a practical and wise girl.

She asked “By the way, how did you come to know that I was in the hospital.?”

I tried to change the topic, and as I sat down on a stool next to her, I asked “How did you fall down.?”

“I don’t know. I was riding my Scooty. And then I suddenly blacked out. Luckily, I was driving at a slow speed and the traffic was less. Otherwise God only knows what might have happened. Then some noble soul was kind enough to bring me to the hospital.” she said.

I leaned in closer to have a better look and check whether she was hurt or not. Visibly, there was nothing to indicate that she had just had an accident. I asked her “Are you sure you are feeling alright.?”

“Well. I think I fell on my back because there is a slight pain there. And I guess I bumped the back of my head on the road, because it hurts a little right here behind my head.” she said pointing to the appropriate places.

“Head. . . . .!” I said.

She looked at me. I looked at her.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t regain my memory.” she said slowly yet teasingly. I wished she hadn’t made fun of my plight.

“That was not funny Sneha. Not funny at all.” I said and I got up.

She caught hold of my hand and said “I am so sorry Raj. I didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me Sneha. But unfortunately you always do end up hurting me. It’s not your fault I guess.” I thought to myself. I looked down to where she held my hand. She slowly let go of me. I turned to leave.

“You are coming tomorrow right.?” she asked me.

“No.” I wanted to say, but I said “Yes.”

I left her. And I left the room.