The Hart Wants What The Hart Can't Have

Maybe

Mamrie POV

I awoke suddenly, it was someone knocking on my door, I glanced down at my phone to check the time, it was 7:58pm. I've been sleeping a lot during the day, I might be depressed, I walk over to the door and answer it. And before I could say anything.
'Are you okay?' Grace said whilst pushing her way through the door and into my front room.
'Yeah. Why are you here?' I say maybe a bit to stern. But all I want to do is lay on my sofa.
'You know I just left Hannah's' 
'So..?'
'Yeah, she was crying her eyes out'
'Why?'
'Don't play silly Mamrie, you've hurt her, why aren't you talking to her?'
'She lied to me'
'Are you sure there isn't more to it?'
'I'm not gay, I don't like her' I say far to defensively. I can feel my blood boiling I'm getting so angry and I don't even know why. it's quite clear that me and Hannah get on but, I've never thought of her in that way and now for the last 4 days all I've done is think off her in that way and it scares me. Could I really be with her though?
'Mamrie I never said you were, but do you not think it odd that your brain went there automatically?' No grace I don't find it odd, it's  fucking mental how can I be gay, but she is so kind and gentle and funny with her silly puns that really aren't as good as mine, I do really miss her.
'Grace can you just go please? I need time to myself right now' this is all I could say through this stampede of emotions, I was holding back the tears and rage, I could actually feel myself shaking trying to control myself.
'Okay well I'm always here, Mamrie.  I miss you'. That was it. The tears came flooding and pouring down my face. The emotions like a wild waterfall flowing out of control I couldn't stop it. I was literally ugly crying over a kiss that I don't even remember! All I could think was what the fuck is happening to me, this is like puberty all over again. Grace came to hug me but I pushed her away I think if she would have touched I would have drowned myself in my apartment with tears. She walked out without even saying bye. But I think that was for the best I need to be alone to compose myself and decide what I was going to do.  I made my way to the couch and laid down and tried to remember the other night. All I want to do it remember the kiss that drove Hannah into insanity. I drifted off into a daydream of Hannah and her blonde hair and blue eyes and how the sparkle when she smiles and our dogs we will have when we grow old and maybe even our children, then I got disrupted by my phone buzzing, I looked down and it was Hannah texting me.

H: hi, I haven't spoken to you in a while, I know all this shit must be affecting you but let's forget all, I really want to apologise for lying to you, I thought it would be safer I didn't want you to freak out, well I guess that's too late now. But Mames, your my bestie and no crush is gunna stop that so, pleaaaase forgive me. I want to make it up to you. So let's go to that coffee shop on the corner of your street, how about we meet around 8:30am tomorrow? Hope your well Han X

Fuck! She is so damn cute, one day I'm gunna----  no what am I thinking Mamrie she is gay!!! Your are not!!! Your not into her!! She is your friend. I drafted up about 100 replies but I didn't sent a single one, I need to reply soon but I don't know what to say  so I just replied with.

M: Maybe

H: okay see you then ;) X