The Hart Wants What The Hart Can't Have

Loving You

Later that afternoon we sit on the couch cuddling watching TV, but it's basically just background noise because I'm too busy staring into her eyes, I told her I love her and Now I feel so happy, although she never said it back which worries me, but maybe she just needs sometime. She has an arm around me I'm laid next to her on the couch our legs intertwined my arm around her front.
'Hannah, do you think I'm gay?' I say confused about who I am.
'Honestly, if you asked me that last night I would say no but after this morning, dude I don't care if your gay or not, we just had great sex' she replies and it makes me smile... A lot.
'But for the purpose of identifying as something, do you think I'm bi, or straight, or gay?' I ask trying to get an answer from her.
'I don't think it matters what you are Mamrie, but if you want to know and identify, then it's something you have to figure out on your own.' Her words are honest and I respect her for saying that as well even though it didn't help me at all. I still feel so confused about who I am.
'How did you figure out you were gay?'
'I just knew from a young age, the reason I had such a problem with it was because I desperately didn't want to be gay'
'I couldn't imagine growing up and knowing something about yourself and hating it, it must be awful.'
'It's was but I got through it and I finally accepted who I was and I couldn't be happier because now I'm laid next to you, the most perfect women I've ever seen, and it feel amazing.' Her words are perfect, she's perfect. I love her so much. Mine and Hannah's phone vibrate at the same time.

G: hey, do want to come to dinner with me tonight Just the two of us? X

'Hannah, did you just get this message?'
'Yeah, why has she sent it to both of us?'
'I'll reply asking if your coming'

M: hey Grace, is Hannah coming? X
G: No because you too have fallen out right? Or are you friends again? X

Do i tell her that me and Hannah have made up and we just had sex what do I do. 'Hannah, what do I reply? Shall we tell her at dinner?'
'No don't tell her she can't handle it, not yet anyway and plus Mamrie we only had sex once'
Wow them words stung a bit, did she mean it like that? Is she going to leave me like she does with all her ex's? am I just a fuck and dump right now? I reply.

M: We made up a little, but it's up to you if you want her there. X
G: okay see you at 7:30pm at crossroads. X

'So am I coming tonight?' Hannah says urgent to find out!
'If grace invites you' maybe that was a bit to stern, after all I love this girl, but she pissed me off, is she going to dump me?
'Mames, are you okay?' Hannah replies sweetly, just knowing that something is wrong.
'Well no it's not actually Hannah!'
'Why? What's wrong sweetheart?'
'Don't sweetheart me, when you going to dump me in about 5 mins'
'Dump you? What makes you think I'm going to dump you?'
'When you said 'well we only had sex once', like it wasn't a big deal for you. Well guess what it was a big fucking deal to me.' I was starting to get really angry, because I cared about this girl and all I want was her to love me back and I told I loved her and she never said it back.
'Mames I didn't mean it like that, I'm not going to dump you, I want to be with you. And the sex was a big deal to me too, I just meant that we've only just started our relationship and I think we need some time before we tell anyone. I want to take this slow with you'
'So your not going to dump me?' She laughs a little.
'No, I'm not'
'Okay good because you'd be missing out' I say trying to joke my way out of this situation.
'Mames I've been loving you since the day I met you, and I truly mean that'.

Peace and love y'all ✌🏻️