Today a Millionaire, Tomorrow a Maid {COMPLETED}

•thirty two•

Noah's POV:

Que sera, sera
What will be will be

This was destined to happen, you can't change somebody's fate

If I had told her to stay with me, something terrible would've happened to her, leading her to be in the same place she is at now

If she had married Luca he would've treated her like total shit, leading her to be in the same place she is at now

But...

If I hadn't said those words, if I hadn't been such a p*ssy, if I knew how to protect her... She wouldn't be in the same place she is at now

If only

There's always pain..remorse and compunction behind the "ifs".. Pain like no other

I've never experienced such a feeling before, ever since my mother's death.

I felt a deep ache in my heart at the memory of my mom's cold pale and lifeless body staring at me with her dead faint dark eyes... I was the last person she spoke to before her soul left her body

A chill ran down my spine and my heart felt too heavy as I looked down at her almost lifeless body

But she wasn't staring at me, her eyes were closed, and I was holding on to the last hope that she would open those  angelic eyes of hers and look at me, I wanted her to wake up, to see me, to scream at me

I wanted her to tell me how much she hates me
I want her to blame me for the state she's in
I want her to let everything out

But that's too late now isn't it?

If only,
I had went to her during her darkest, affliction filled week, if had let her scream at me, let all her feelings out instead of bottling them inside making them sharp knives wounding her more and more with every breath she takes

Then she would've felt better, and yes she would still be in pain but not.. Not half dead.

Instead of going to her, I was taking all my pain and suffer on my maids, using them to make myself feel better, my escape was s*x and alcohol.. Her escape was suicide

I knew, I knew I would've lost myself and been completely shattered apart if kept thinking about what I did to her, right after she admitted that she loves me

The only woman I've ever loved besides my mother, said she loved me back and I completely destroyed her feelings.

Women are fragile and delicate, they're strong yes, but their feelings are to be protected at all costs..

Funny I'm saying this now

But even with my escape ways, she still managed to creep her way into my thoughts, haunting me, taunting me

And when I got that damned bedevilled phone call from Luca, telling me that the love of my life, was currently suspended between life and death.. That's when the only piece of compassion and love I had left or developed in me because of her, it died.

Do you know how it feels like seeing someone you're completely crazy for in a state that they're here and not here? In a state that's so critical that they might leave you at any second? And if they do leave you they'll take a part of your soul with them?