Untethered

20 | Coming Clean... Almost

Several minutes after Emma had disappeared through the front door, Ryan was still standing in the middle of the room staring at it.

"Ryan? You alright, kiddo?"

"What? Yeah, Ma, I'm fine."

"I can see that," Greta snorted. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Boy, don't waste time I don't have."

Rubbing the scruff along his jawline, he sighed and turned to meet her gaze.

"Emma asked me what we were talking about when she walked into your hospital room earlier."

"So?"

He winced. "I didn't exactly tell her the truth."

"What does that mean? Why the hell not?"

He sat on the end of the couch next to Greta's chair, and dropped his head into his hands.

"I don't know! I'm an idiot?" he snapped. Then, moderating his tone, and sending her an apologetic look, he went on, "I guess I was afraid. After everything she's been through... I didn't know how she would take it. What if she decides it runs in the genes or something? It's been tricky enough to get her to stop seeing me as a total ass. What if she gets scared again?" That last one-that was his real fear. What if she gets spooked and decides it's just too risky?

"Ryan, for being my son, you are truly dense sometimes. You were right the first time, you're an idiot." She shook her head, sighing exasperatedly. "Why would she blame you for their actions? She's a smart girl. You know what Gramps would say right now: You are responsible for your own actions, not anyone else's."

"Don't mince words," he replied snarkily.

"Don't worry, boy, I won't. If you love that girl, you will be honest with her-even when it's hard. Hell, especially when it's hard. Your father lied all the time-so did Julie. You don't want to be like them? Good-then you tell her the truth."

"I know you're right," Ryan said after a lengthy silence. "Even at the time, I knew it was stupid."

"Yes," Greta nodded, "well, at least you recognize it now."

They both sat there, lost in their own thoughts for a long while. After some time, Greta broke the silence.

"You know, you were the best thing to come from my marriage to your dad. When I met him, I was floundering, barely keeping my head above water. My mama had just died after being sick for most of my life, and it took a toll on me. I was lost and I felt alone. I was desperate to feel something that wasn't worry, fear, or grief. I did a lot of reckless and thoughtless things when I was with him, trying to forget my own hurt." She paused. "Gramps never said so, but I caused him a lot of heartache before I finally came to my senses."

Ryan listened to her quietly, not wanting to interrupt. It was such a rare occurrence for her to voluntarily share anything.

"You saved me," she went on quietly. "When I had you, my whole world changed. Suddenly, I had purpose, someone else to think of. You needed me, and I started to realize that your father was never going to get his act together. I tried giving him ultimatums, helping him, encouraging him, scolding him... nothing got through. I still loved him, but I couldn't live like that anymore."

"I'm sorry, Ma."

"Save your sorry for Emma," she waved him off. "I realized I couldn't change your father because he didn't want to change. The only thing I could do was change myself. Live in a way that would make you proud of me." Her voice cracked. "You're a good man, Ryan, and I'm proud that you're my son-even when you act like an idiot."