About My Day and My Hyena Self (FINISHED &THERES SEQUEL)

Deceptions, Missconnections, and those damn hormones

Damn Hormones X3 I'm still not alright but if I focus I can feel the chemicals going through my body, it buzzes. Then the memories are stronger and attached to my missing emotions, most of them irrelevant, one from when I was 4, running around a sunlit room with my mom finally happy and laughing going through the house, happiness and comfort. When I was 2 after I got surgery and I had a dream where my parents wouldn't respond, I woke up and screamed, frustration. One even earlier in my book, my crush I had, oh the sadness and suspense in his eyes near the end of the year... It still makes me want to hold him close and say everything's going to be alright, because I can't bear to watch someone be in pain, especially when they're so defenseless, frustration, longing, worry, and sadness to know that he'll never know or return those feelings and if he ended himself or not. When people try to trip me every day and I avoid their hate and disgust even without them knowing my secrets, and I know they'll see someone they'll truly want to love just for it to be thrown at them for their selfishness. embarrassment and worry for the ones who hate me. And so I still focus on what makes me me. And I'm still scratching the surface only, so far. I'm a teacher, a student, the silly one, the boring one, the brat, the victim, the assaultent, the nerd, the hopeless, the hopeful, the forgiving, the sensitive, the cold one, the depressed, the fag, the mystery, the strong, the controlling leader in the face of danger that nobody  follows. That's the surface. Nobody cares but I don't care about them, so I say I'm sorry for all the hating and spiteful, because they never see the light and are left in the dark for what they've done and that blinds them. I'm sorry for the crippled and depressed, because they've been through so much and still have the world ahead of them. I'm sorry to the blank and the broken for nobody being able to pick up the pieces, that's the carings job so don't deflect their help because you've already bled out a wound it isn't going to make it worse. I'm sorry for the commanding who get commanded and the potential that was never used forced by the hand that guides society entrapping it. Goodby until next time my friends