A Bruise On My Soul #wattys2016

POST ORDEAL

Tears: if you'll split this word into two, it will be 'tear' and 's'. Now what does this 's' mean. This 's' my friend stands for 'soul'. So these tiny droplets that is emitted from your lacrimal glands are nothing but the byproduct from soul when it tears down.

Now there are times when albeit you are falling apart from inside,even a single drop refuses to escape from those eyes. You howl, try to shout at the top of your lungs closing yourself in the closet, try to hurt yourself physically , scream yourself into the pillow and what not all, however not a drop dares to form in those eyes. Eventually the agony remains.

Personally I tried every method to make myself cry out. To expell that bottled up mixture of sorrow, frustration, anger in the form of tears. There was a turmoil within my heart which was intensifying with each day just because I couldn't cry. No matter what I did or what I witnessed, I couldn't let out a sob.

It had been a week since the ordeal and I still was not able to mourn over my dearest dad, dad my hero.
For those who were perceiving me, for them I was a strong woman, who now had responsibilities over her fragile shoulders.But deep down I was breaking down bit by bit. I was haunted by nightmares every single night.

Mom, on the other hand, was inconsolable. Unlike me, tears were her constant companion. She alienated herself from the outside world. Her miseries came out as a rush of tears at the mention of just anything. Some nights I would find her cuddled up with dad's shirt.

I buried myself in household chores and my office work. Every night before going to bed I used to spend some time in our terrace garden bathed in all those moments, I shared with dad which now were just memories. His cheery laughter, our little father daughter late night parties, seeds we planted all around our mini garden, anticipating it to branch out into big large trees adding to the flora of the garden, his favorite bunches of rose plants which he used to pamper everyday so that he could gift fresh roses to me and my mom on every special occasions.

Zakhir and David became constant visitors at my place. David used to try all his tactics to cheer me up but to no avail. Whereas Zakhir remained silent and smiled in between his serious musing.

Today Zakhir was all alone. His face looked thoughtful when I saw him standing on my door. As those grey eyes met mine he welcomed me beaming, which didn't reach his eyes.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Solitary visit?"

"Yeah. Something came up at work and David had to stay back to take care of that. So I thought I'll pay you a lone visit" he said advancing inside to my living room.

I gestured him towards the couch. However his eyes were busy wandering here and there as if searching for something as he slouched over the couch.

"Uh, your mom Aaradhya?" he finally spoke out. Eyes still on searching mode.

"She is inside. She wants to pay a visit to a nearby temple. So getting ready"

"That's good. So do you mind if I'll come along with you guys" he questioned.

" No..It's fine Zakhir. I'll manage. You don't have to take the trouble"

"But I insist. I really want to".

I shrugged.

"Are you sure? I mean would you be comfortable there"

"Why the hell not? But I don't know about the temple authorities. If they'll be comfortable. But if they are then I'm too. Besides I'll get some time with you and your mom" he replied grinning .

That bought a small smile on my face. Smile which was foreign to me from the past one week. I appreciated his sincere efforts to bring us out of this plight even though he wasn't so close to me.
However I felt that this ordeal made us more familiar with each other. Albeit he never uttered a word while he visited me with David, but his presence there was in a way soothing for me. His eyes shouted a lot of unspoken words which expressed that he understands everything. He knew what I was going through. And that was enough for me.

"Fine. I'll check on mom. If she's ready or not"

On cue, I saw mom descending the stairs. Her eyes were worn out from weeping and she looked wasted. Her fragile figure and the sadness looming in her posture bought the melancholic environment back to the room.

Zakhir jumps up from the couch on seeing my mom and proceeds forward to touche her feet after passing her a small smile. In response mom places her flimsy hands on his head as a blessing.

"'Namaste aunty" Zakhir enunciated.

"'Namaste beta" mom replied voice laced with sadness.

"Aunty I heard you wanted to go to the temple. So here I'm at your service" he announces.

Mom peered at me with surprise clothed all over her face.

"But beta it will take time. You'll be late" mom contended.

"No problem aunty. You can return the favour by inviting me for dinner" he said placing his hands on mom's shoulder sniggering.

"But.." she tried to search for words then peeped at me for help. I shrugged and entwined our fingers together to reaffirm her.

"No buts aunty"

Thanks to their daily visit throughout last week,mom too was accustomed to Zakhir and David alike as I was. She was well aware that there was no point in arguing over it, so she relented.