The Path of a Grey Jedi

GUILT

Ezra heard that Kanan will be blind for the rest of his life. He was feeling so guilty even though his Master had told him that the things that happened on Malachor weren't his fault. But.... Ezra knew that wasn't true. If he hadnt gotten carried away with Maul, trusited him...Kanan wouldn't have let his guard down. And if he never went to Open the sith temple like Maul told him, Ashoka wouldn't come after him and she wouldn't have to face Vader alone..but mostly she wouldn't die. They would get out in time before the Temple was destroyed...

All these thoughts were inside of Ezra's mind, shifting the blame to himself only. To the point of ignoring the reality of things..

The Padawan was standing frozen behind the crate, staring at the doctor and Hera. It was clear Hera didnt know what to say, all she wanted to do was to cry. But the doctor interrupted the silence.

"Miss Syndulla, Kanan won't be completely blind..he told me himself that even though he can't see with his eyes. He can see through the force so he wanted me to tell you that its okay"Doctor said

"He knows?"The woman looked up

"He does. I have to tell the patient the results first then his familiy and friends. And he needs to rest, the tests were exhausting"Doctor said 

"Can I see him?"

"Of course you can"Doctor answered letting Hera pass to the med-bay

"Thank you"The Twi'lek said while entering the med-bay...

Ezra was still behind the crate but then when Hera entered the med-bay....he heard a familiar voice.

"It is all your fault"The voice said. Ezra winced, panic building up.

At that moment he ran to his Cabin and locked the door, keeping it locked with the force so no one can get in.

"It is your fault that your Master is blind"The voice was heard again. Ezra didn't know what was happening, he thought he was losing his mind...But all he could do was answer back..

"I....I never wanted this to happen"

"But it did happen, boy"The voice replied back immedietly. It's tone was getting creepier and creepier.. "And it is your fault that Skywalker's apprentice is dead...but you know the Master always lives"

"Vader.....Vader is alive?"Ezra asked, his eyes already teary

"Of course he is"The voice replied

"Who...who are you?!"

"You will soon find out....hehe"The voice said and laughed creeply at the end..

Then suddenly everything was quiet, leaving Ezra alone in the corner of the room in a protective ball postion with his thoughts. From that moment on he stayed silent and was afraid to go out of his Cabin...

MEANWHILE IN THE MED-BAY....

"Hey"Hera said calmly but there was a clear hint of worry in her voice.

"Hey Hera"Kanan replied with a smile but he wasnt looking at her, he just waved in her direction. Hera sat next to him on the med-bay bed...

"You okay? The doctor said that the tests were exhausting"Hera asked

"Yeah, I am kind of tired"The Jedi replied while looking down. Hera noticed immeidetly that Kanan wasnt actually concerned for himself at all...Something else was bothering him.

"What's wrong ? "The woman asked him in a worried tone as Kanan turned his head towards her.

"It's Ezra...his force signature... it 's blury and the thing that really worries me is that he has his mental shields up now..."Kanan said not finishing the thought..

"But there is more...isn't there?"Hera added, crossing her arms.

"His mental shields are directly on me. Anything can get in his mind now but he blocked me on purpose. I can't read his thoughts and I can barely feel his force signature"Kanan said with a sad tone

"Maybe Ezra needs sometime on his own"Hera suggested, trying to comfort Kanan.

" I guess your right...after everything that happened.....he needs sometime to recover himself too"Kanan said 
There was a moment of silence untill Hera spoke, changing the topic seeing that Kanan really didnt want to talk about what happened more.

"how is your Force sight?"

"Well ..it is still a little blury but I can locate  almost everything. So it is much better, more practice and I'll be okay"Kanan said with a smile

"Alright, that's great"Hera said smiling back

Kanan was about to get up and start walking to the exit of the med-bay but Hera took his hand, stopping him.

"What?"Kanan turned to her with a confused expression

"THE doctor  said YOU must Rest"Hera replied

"but he didn't say where"

"Well I say in the med-bay so you are going to stay here" The twi'lek replied gently puling Kanan back inside

"Alright, alright"The man said while sitting down.

"That's better. The doctor will check on you again and he will say when you are ready to leave this room"Hera said in a demanding voice

"I'll meet you then" Kanan chuckeled at her

"Yeah..rest up "Hera said while getting out of the med-bay...

AFTER A FEW HOURS......

Ezra was still in his cabin, not moving an inch. He was drowning in his thoughts, he couldnt control anything that came to his mind. He felt so like he was truely losing it. The only things he could think about was

It's all my fault....

Kanan is blind...

Ashoka is dead...

Vader is alive....

I will never be a jedi....

I will never finish my training...

I was never ment to be a jedi...

If I never met Kanan and the crew this wouldn't have happened..

I wish  I didn't come to the city that day when I met the crew.....

Ezra's thoughts were interrupted by Zeb yelling outside the door "OPEN THIS DOOR NOW KID!"

After a few seconds the door opened and Ezra was on his bunk not saying a word. The lasat entered the room and layed down on his bunk.

"Sorry..for shouting at ya out there, I just don't get why you locked the door..even the code didn't work"Zeb said but no answer from Ezra

"Kid, you asleep?"Zeb spoke again..

Ezra still stayed quiet but he wasn't sleeping. The Lasat yawned and quickly fell asleep a few minutes later on the top bunk... but Ezra didn't sleep the entire night. He thought about what he had done.