The Man Of My Nightmares (Septiplier) **DISCONTINUED**

Miles Apart

(Back to Jack's POV cuz fuck you, also time skip)

It had been months since the incident at Mark's house, and now I was back in Ireland for Christmas. Me and mum were staying at granny's house, but I stayed in my room for most of the day. On the 22nd, I received a message on my phone.

Mark: omg
Mark: help
Jack: what happened?
Mark: my dad...
Mark: he didn't make it
Mark: we thought he was getting better...
Jack: omg that's terrible
Jack: are you gonna be ok?
Jack: are you gonna see Ted?
Mark: idk
Mark: I need you...

At that, I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to help so bad, but I couldn't. When someone dies, for me I just deny it until it slips my mind. But your own father? Well, I would be happy to hear that from mine. I patiently waited for another text from Mark while I tried to think of things to say. He never responded, but neither did I. Well it was past midnight so he probably thinks I fell asleep. I tried, but I was drowning. Whenever I stopped doing something, I entered an ocean where I was afraid to swim. Then suddenly, I blinked and it was 9am 23 December.

I crept to the bathroom to tidy up and said hi to granny. She asked if I wanted some breakfast, to which I replied politely with "No thanks, I'm not hungry yet." I sat on the couch with my laptop and headphones to watch youtube. "Ruby, is the buy okay?"
"I'm not sure he's been like this a long time."
"I just thought he reminded me of Claire's last few weeks of life."
"Don't you dare mention her! She had made her decision, and I had no way of stopping her!"
"Cam down Rue, I'm just worried. To me it seems he is doing really poorly."
"WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT MUM! I PAY FOR HIM TO SEE DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS BUT HE THINKS HE'S ALWAYS RIGHT! HE THINKS HE DOESN'T NEED THIS. HE THINKS I'M JUST BEING A BITCH!"
"Rue, I know you're upset, but for God's sake the buy's right there."

As soon as I heard that, I stood up to go to my room. I caught a faint glimpse of my mother's face full of regret. I heard a muffled irish accent trying to console her, while I just sat and stared at my laptop's wallpaper. After a while, I eventually opened up youtube and did the same thing I do all the time. I watched video after video, trying to deny the fact that I was wasting my life. Trying to distract myself from my inevitable future and whether I'll be dead or alive for it. Mum called me for lunch and I said I'd eat later. "SEE MA, I CAN'T DO IT! HE CARES TOO MUCH ABOUT HIS STUPID INTERNET THAN HE DOES HIS OWN WELL-BEING!"

After another short night and some youtube, it was the night of Christmas Eve. At around 10:30 pm, I decided to text Mark. He didn't reply. I texted him again and no response so I tried calling. Nothing. I called again. The third time, I heard a familiar voice. "Hello?"
"Mrs. Fischbach? Is Mark there?"
"No."
"Oh, uh where is he?"
"Hospital. After his father die, he try to kill his self." She spoke in broken English.
"Oh my God, is he okay?"
"I don't know, doctor didn't say."
"Well please tell me when he is doing a little bit better."
"Of course."
Why now? He did so well since Zack died. H-he promised. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, maybe it was the fact that I cared too much for other people, but I cried. I cried long and hard. I didn't care about the sounds. I sobbed and wailed, wishing for something to dull the pain. I can't lose him yet! He's mine! How will Lily react? But it was supposed to be me.. Why should he suffer? He means so much to so many people, if it were me, I doubt anything would be different.

"Hun, are you okay?" A tired voice cooed from the hall.
"Yea, I'm fine." I whimpered
"Please, what's wrong?" She's being a good mother and I hate it.
"Go back to bed, I'm okay."
"I want you to be happy, you know that. I don't want you to end up killing yourself like Claire."
Too bad.. I mumbled inaudibly and pretended to sleep. I lay awake in my bed for hours on end, genuinely trying to get some rest. But I couldn't. I opened my burning eyes and with the little bit of energy I had, I reached for my phone. Nothing. I needed to hear from them soon. Why didn't I try to help him?

I fell asleep around 5 and woke up sweating. Partially from the change in temperature, partially from anxiety. I was up late, I didn't care about the presents. I didn't care how many times mum tried to wake me up. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to be awake. I checked the time, noon. I peeked outside to see what granny was doing. Her and mum were sat watching TV together, so I padded into the kitchen as quietly as possible and looked for a small snack to bring in my room. I didn't want to go on YouTube. I didn't want anything. Well no, I want Mark. I want him to be okay. I sent a text to Mark's phone. "when Mark wakes up, please FaceTime me" I began drawing in my thinning sketchbook. Amongst the hard, blood-ridden pages that I didn't bother tearing out, I found a blank one to start my sketch. Line after line, I groped for inspiration. But where I did, I found fear. I tried to draw something simple to cheer myself up, a cheeky little skeleton, a smiley box. Before I knew it, I filled the page and it was time to have dinner. We didn't have many people over, due to varying circumstances. I just sat and stared at my food, poking at it every so often and taking a bite. My uncle teased me for being so skinny, my aunt quickly rebuked him. But I couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about nothing and everything all at once.

I heard a quiet, yet shrill beeping noise. I looked at my phone and nearly puked. We were gathered round the tree when I shoved my earbuds in and answered. "Hi" I whimpered.
"Jack?"
"Is he okay?" My heart was beating faster than ever and my mum glared at me.
"Come see" I heard a faint rustling as she carefully walked into the hospital room Mark was in. I saw the fluffy black hair, then the glasses, and a smile that screamed death.
"Hey there, ya little doofer!"
"I'm sorry Jack, I shouldn't have..." he avoided eye contact as his mother held the phone in front of him.
"Look, I don't care. This is the best Christmas present I could ever ask for."
"What time is it for you?"
"Well we were about to open presents... but how are you? Is it bad?"
"No, but I'm gonna have to stay for around a week so they can run a few tests and I'll be on suicide watch." He said it with such ease, it sounded as though this wasn't the first time.
"Well that's good. My life has been pretty boring, aside from my mum arguing with granny." Mum shot me a look that said don't ever say that to anyone, ya hear?!
"I'll text you when I can, love you."
"You too"

Why the fuck did he say he loved me? I was so shocked by the whole thing that I was staring at the lights on the tree when my granny said it was my turn to open presents. I could see that she was watching my Skype call and she was happy for me. My head was swimming with joy and panic. Hesitantly, I reached for the box with my name on it. Socks, sketchbook, earbuds, and another box. Inside was a Cintiq and an Adobe membership card.

I was amazed, it's not like we had lots of money for that kind of gift, but I didn't react because I was still kind of stunned from what Mark told me. I want it to be true, but I know it wasn't. I can wait for an explanation. I hugged granny and mum just stared. In a couple days, I'll see Mark again and everything will be back to normal.

A/n: I'm still working on that journal thing, I don't know when to write it. I'm not sure if this book will even get half as far as I intend because I am struggling. My anxiety, anorexia, paranoia, depression are all acting up at once and my grades are dropping at an alarming rate and I don't know if I can make it on my own. But I'll try my damn well best.