The Man Of My Nightmares (Septiplier) **DISCONTINUED**

Goodbye

**Lily's POV**

Two bottles of vodka, a full bottle of Ambien, and a razor. No one will care. Deftly, I placed the note on the ground. "You know where I am." I made my way to the last room I would see. I took the bobbi pin out of my hair and picked the lock. I flipped on the light and took a deep breath. I miss you Kaia. Why did no one try to help me? Do they not see how broken I am? I guess I don't matter to them. I pulled out the letter from the brown paper shopping bag. and read over it again.

To whomever it may concern:
I am dead now. I am happy now. You can thank my parents for beating the shit out of me when I was the saddest. You can thank yourself for not helping me. I wish you had, I didn't want to have to do this. But I miss Kaia way too much, and I'm joining her now. Don't throw me a funeral. Just pretend you never knew me, like I never even existed. After all, I'm better off. Mark, I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you enough that you tried to kill yourself. I feel like I just watched you fall apart without doing anything. Jack, I'm sorry I made you try so hard, I wanted to see if you truly cared. I guess you didn't, since you just left me in the park. You didn't try to stop my self-destructive behavior, instead you joined in it. I apologize for everything. Goodnight.

~Lily

It won't matter in a little bit. No one will care enough to read it. I took a sip of vodka. I had so many safety blankets that it's nearly impossible for me to survive this. I thought to myself about my decision. I know it's right, this is all I truly want. I wish I could be the person everyone wants me to be, the person they think I am. But that's not how life works. You keep adding empty air to your persona until it bursts. I used to be happy, but then I grew up. I was lucky enough to find something to make me happy again, but she's fUCKING DEAD NOW AND I CAN'T GET HER BACK SO WHAT'S THE POINT? THIS IS NOT A LIFE WORTH LIVING! Tears flooded my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. My heart sunk in my chest and my breathing slowed. I put the bottle to my mouth and tilted back. Liquid happiness. Liquid memories. Liquid death.

We had just pronounced ourselves a couple. We spent every waking minute with each other. We were so in love. We found a smile in each other and wore it proudly. She was working on stopping her self harm, and so was I. But the abuse from her mother never stopped. It was hard to tell whether the wounds she wore were from herself or her mother. My lovely Kaia, if it weren't for your sister, we never would have met. After a few weeks, she moved in with us, because her mom found a boyfriend who had a job in Hawaii. She had kicked Kaia out because she was gay and she didn't want her boyfriend to know about the abuse. Kaia was never the favourite. But we loved living together. She made me food, we played music. I played guitar, she was on piano. It was heaven.

The bottle was half empty now. My throat burned like hell, but I had a lot of chemicals to take in. I took a pause from the vodka and took a handful of the sleeping pills. The pills were bitter and felt huge in my throat. My body didn't want to do this, but I did. Another handful.

One day, she stayed home from school. It was her birthday, I thought she was crazy. But she insisted and when I got back, there was a terrible surprise waiting for me. She had killed herself. She got ahold of some rope and hung herself from her ceiling fan. I didn't scream, I was too startled. She was my precious, how could she do this? I caressed her body carefully. Mother asked if I was okay that night. I said nothing. I said nothing for a whole week. When we went to the funeral, I looked so worn out. I had gotten no sleep, worn no makeup. I was a zombie.

I downed the rest of the bottle of vodka, and the first half of the second bottle. I felt like vomiting. The body's natural defense against harmful substances. But I was determined to keep it down.

I refused to leave my room for months. I ate a couple of things here and there, but otherwise I was a skeleton. I spent my days crying. It was worse than a breakup, because at least with that you can still see the person. Kaia was my makeshift lifesupport how do I handle this? Soon Nalu would be moving away for college and I'd be left with mom and dad. I hate the future, it's a constant reminder that we're not kids anymore. During those months, I got my worst scars. Digging deep to bone and not feeling an inch of regret. I was broken. I tried to kill myself, but somehow, I survived.

I took more pills, the bottle was half empty now. I could feel the effects of the pills mixed with the vodka. My liver is fucked already, I can feel it. I reached for the trapezoidal razor blade in my bag and pressed it into my thigh. Thighs, so that I would still have time left to do my arms. Sharp line after line. The blood dripped to the ground as I gave it all I had. Tissue had been exposed and I had no regrets.

By the time we had to move to Cincinnati, I had decided that I would have a fresh start. I did what I wanted. I dyed my hair crazy colors, I wore cute clothes. I was colorful at last. I looked hapoy, but I still had that hole in my heart. My parents didn't take to well to it. They pretended I didn't exist, they would come home drunk and take out their anger on me. They would find anything to get mad about and keep working themselves up until I was in a pathetic ball on the floor. But I kept smiling. I kept smiling and that's all that mattered.

My thighs were ripped to shreds and I could feel the slightest pain, so I drank half of what was left of the vodka and half of the Ambien. Slowly, I dragged the razor up my arm. The blood flowed out as muscle tissue exposed itself. Again. Oh look, that's my bone. Great. I sliced again, across the two gashes. Soon, my left wrist was mutilated to say the least. I flipped it over and made a vertical stripe. It met the other one and created a hole between the two bones in my forearm. I proceeded to do the same to my other arm as I began fading away.

Now here I am, I've had enough of this life. This "life." I can no longer find someone who cares. I've tried everything to stay, but nothing fucking works and I'm sick of it. Why am I staying, we're all going to die anyway.

I forced down the rest of the pills and vodka. I'm surprised I haven't passed out yet. My throat was incinerated , my body was no longer together. I will either die of blood loss, alcohol poisoning, or poisoning from the sleeping pills. Either way, I am gone. There is no more Lily.

a/n: there will be art in this chapter, give me time. but for now, I will post updates on instagram @steviesgayart