breathe | r lewandowski

14

"What do you mean I'm banned?"

"Exactly that. You're banned. Don't attend training until further notice and don't even think about coming to matches."

Speechless, I was forced to hand over my keycard and club pass as Pep sat opposite me, a glum look on his sluggish face.

"I'm sorry, Robert. It's protocol for drugs."

I just glared at him, narrowing my eyes at him which I'd been told put him on edge. I didn't say another word, simply walked out of his office, leaving the door wide open.

I knew some of the team were waiting to see why on earth me of all people, Pep's little angel, had been called to his office. And as they pounced on me on my way to the car park like lions on a chunk of meat, I did nothing but ignore them all.

My head was spinning, but through all the questions that I had circling around my brain, I already knew who this was down to. Dylan. She'd grassed me up to the club for doing drugs when I was with her. Sure, it was the truth, but she swore she'd never tell.

Maybe I really did touch a nerve with her the other night when I shut her off. Thinking about it more made me angry. She's single handedly ruined my entire career and all because I lashed out, being my usual angry self. And who's fault was that? Jagger's. Everything always comes back to her.

I drove to Klara's house. I needed some sanity, someone to talk to that actually understood me and wanted to help me, rather than somebody that wanted me to either give them money, score a goal, or have sex with them.

Knocking on her door I took a step back and waited. After a few moments she opened the door, looking neither happy or sad to see me standing on her doorstep unannounced.

"Robert, come inside?" She said, her words forming a question rather than a statement.

I nodded and walked into her house. Taking a seat on the sofa, she sat next to me, not offering me a drink like usual.

"Is there something-"

"I've been banned from Bayern."

"What?"

"Dylan told the club about me doing drugs and they've told me that I'm on suspension for six months at least."

Klara's face fell. Her eyes flooded with concern for me however I was still as a statue, my face so emotionless I may as well have been made of stone.

"And you denied it right? You said-"

"There's no point! They said they say sufficient evidence to prove that I'm guilty of taking drugs, and it's all her fucking fault. And on top of that, Jagger and I aren't a thing anymore. Probably for the best now I'm bad news."

I laughed coldly, more of a chuckle of fear rather than trying to make a joke of things. Making a joke of the situation was really all I could do, I was hopeless, I had nothing apart from money, a bad reputation and an extensive list of people who hated me.

"She saw us, didn't she?" Klara said with a heavy heart, frowning for me since I was still emotionless.

"Yes, she saw us. I tried to explain to her but she wasn't listening to me."

"Should I talk to her for you?"

"No," I said, shaking my head vigorously as if the idea repulsed me, "That's the last thing she'd want, to see you."

Klara just nodded, pursing her lips for a moment as silence cascaded upon us. It was unusual, since whenever we were together we were normally anything but silent. Klara was the only person I was ever myself around, the only person I actually spoke to, properly.

"So what are you going to do?"

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Jagger swung open her door, only to see me and in one swift motion, try to slam the door shut again. Had my foot not been in the way.

"Hear me out. Please." I said to her.

She stood looking rather unsure about letting me back into her house, but I wasn't in any mood to argue. I had a list of things I wanted to say and I was going to say them, I had to try and salvage whatever it was that we had. If it was possible.

Jagger just rolled her eyes and stepped aside, letting me into her house. I nodded in thanks and shrugged off my jacket, hanging it on the hook next to her coats and jackets, above her neat line of shoes.

"I thought I told you not to come back, Robert."

"You did, that's right," I started, "But I have some things to say."

"Let me guess," Jagger narrowed her eyes at me, placing a finger on her chin in a mocking sense, as if she was thinking, "She was just a friend and it didn't mean anything?"

I sighed, she took the words right out of my mouth. But it wasn't like I kissed Klara, we were just having a moment, something intimate. Klara and I are connected emotionally. We've been through everything with one another, but I see her as nothing more than a sister, a best friend.

Jagger on the other hand, well, as she glared at me with dark brown eyes and a bold red lip, I wanted to kiss her.

"I didn't kiss her, I did so much as hug her. Klara is the girl I've told you about so many times, the girl from Poland? She was telling me about her family and some problems and - that's not important right now. What's important is that you know that I don't do things like that. When I feel like this-"

"Feel like what? Because 'we weren't even together'" Jagger spat, quoting me from the other day in my haste of anger, which I immediately regretted.

I threw my head into my hands, grabbing fistfuls of my dark hair angrily, stressfully. She was winning, an I was losing. Jagger was right, I said all those things that I didn't mean when I had everything that I did mean on the tip of my tongue, but I still couldn't bring myself to say any of it.

"I don't tell people how I feel, I don't tell people what I'm thinking, heck, I barely ever talk to people. But I like you, Jagger, I like you a lot. I hate myself for liking you because you're so perfect and I'm a mess, and all I'm going to do is drag you down with me and I don't want that, but I can't help how I feel when I look at you and I can't imagine myself wanting anything else, but you."

Jagger laughed, her laugh filtering out into a giggle and then leaving a perfect smile on her berry red lips. I couldn't tell if she was laughing at me, or she was completely won over by my dramatic speech.

I hoped it was the latter.

"You're afraid. I get it."

I looked up from the ground to see Jagger looking at me with kind eyes, the type of eyes that believe in you and have faith in you, the type that you'd want to look at you when you've lost all hope and you don't know where to turn. She looked at me, exactly like that.

"I-I'm afraid." I confirmed.

"Tell me how you feel, what do you feel about me, Robert?"

She wanted me to grovel. She wanted to push me out of my comfort zone and make me talk about things that I hated talking about. But for her, I would do it.

"I feel like every time I see you, I want to kiss you. I want to hold you, I don't want anybody else to, to even so much as glance in your direction because-" I stopped myself, pausing for a moment, "Because you've managed the impossible."

"The impossible?" Jagger raised an eyebrow.

I just smiled, shaking my head microscopically as she looked as me quizzically.

"You made me feel like I could breathe again."