Redemption | A Drake Duology (2016)

12 • Mama Knows Best

I tossed and turned in and out of frustrating naps that lasted no longer than fifteen minutes. I eventually stopped fighting it and stayed awake. I'd yet to put any food in my stomach so taking my medication was out of the question.

I rolled over on my side and stared at the blank walls. I woke Sydney by accident. I contemplated kicking her out but the worst was over, she'd already stayed longer than I've ever allowed since our separation.

"You're still up?" She croaked cuddling into my side. Naturally, I wrapped my arms around her. Before I could respond she was sound asleep again.

I was stuck. I knew where I wanted to be but I didn't know if I was man enough to handle the position. As Roman matures she'll want different things and I fear that I won't be where she wants be to be by that time.

Being with Sydney was much easier. She was set in her ways. There was no changing. As long as the money was coming in, I'd never be alone. We have a history that dates back to my first semester of college and even taking my virginity. She found me while I was still tryif to find myself. Back then, she could write a dissertation on my life and every specific thing she loved about me. It was refreshing since I wasn't the most attractive during that time. Every nigga on campus raved about her. I felt like the man being able to claim her as mine but then things changed. She ventured out on her own and started to come to terms with what she liked. By junior year, she had a type and I wasn't it. We were on and off, only being on when I was heavily involved with television and music. Suddenly, she believed in me and motivated me to chase my dreams. She saw dollar signs and wanted to be around for the come up—I let her.

After signing my first deal, Sydney made it very clear that she was only around for the royalties. We were on and off yet again until a relationship was convenient for her or whenever big money was coming in and she wanted a vacation, a new car or her hair and nails done. I was so naïve that I mistook her dependency for genuine love and it wasn't. By the time I figured it out, it was too late. I'd already invested a lot into the relationship and letting go wasn't an option. It wasn't until I met Roman that everything changed.

She barely knew me but she always found time to listen to me vent and gave some of the best advice. For her age, she was wise. I knew bringing her into my mess was a bad idea but I couldn't help it. I fell quicker than she did and the biggest plus was that my mom and dad liked her. Sandra can be hard to please but Roman swept her right off of her feet.

Sandra was never the biggest fan of Sydney. She didn't like the relationship but she accepted it to please me. She wanted me to make and learn from my mistake. I didn't understand it then, but I definitely do now. Settling was harder than it would've been had I let Sydney go years ago. Until this day she thinks I'm single and that Roman and I are just close friends. She was usually very observant but I guess she just left this one alone.

I shifted slightly being careful not to wake Sydney again. I grabbed my phone and slowly got out of bed. I'd usually call Michelle to come and cook but since it was the wee hours of the morning, I'd attempt to satisfy my hunger on my own. The fridge was fully stocked with healthy foods ranging from fresh fish to fresh fruits. I decided on fruit and yogurt, something light to get me through the next couple of hours of starvation.

My elbows rested upon the counter as I contemplated on calling my mother. I've always started with a reason for bugging her like this but the reason was never addressed by the time we ended the call. Part of me was afraid to hear her input. I knew for a fact that it wasn't going to be sugarcoated. My fingers toggled with the call button next to her name before finally pressing it and waiting for her to her answer.