A Hidden Past

Chapter 3

I quickly called my mum to let her know that I couldn't make it home tonight and that she would have to look after the kids. I know it isn't fair on them or even her but it's not in my control anymore. I can't refuse the orders of Hotch. 

We were heading to Pennsylvania which was just great. Angus Sinclair was supposed to be in the past, he was supposed to be in prison. There quite clearly needs to be a tonne of improvements made to that prison and their security. I couldn't show any emotion to the case. I refuse to allow my team to see me reacting to Angus, the anger and frustration would be a major giveaway.

Everyone was already on the plane. I know they're eying me up but I couldn't care less. Well I could care but I'm trying not to. I took a seat in the far corner, separated from the rest of the team. I don't want to hear what they have to say about Angus or the women he's killed. I don't want to hear about his upbringing or his family. Besides, it's a complete waste of time. I already know a lot about him. Unfortunately.

I already had seven missed calls from my mum and a dozen texts. I don't see what the problem is with asking her to look after her grandsons for a couple of days. Although she never has been very maternal. She's lucky I'm even letting her visit them not to mention look after them on her own. She's a poor excuse for a mum.

Just as I was about to begin listening to the one of many voicemails she had left me Morgan came and sat opposite me. I mean I know I'm great company and all but surely even he can see that I'm not up for chatting. I completely avoided eye contact with him, keeping my eyes firmly on my phone.

"Nice phone you've got there JJ. Must be real interesting since you haven't put it down yet."

I didn't say anything. I really wasn't in the mood for his sarcasm, not today. I lifted my head and stared at him. Glared at him.

"Look JJ we all miss our families but we're out here doing good for them. Making the world a better place. That's why you signed up the job right? Make the world a better and safer place for our kids and the kids to come. Henry will get over the football game, it's not the end of the world."

I took a deep breathe, trying to calm myself down. How dare he tell me that my kid wont be upset by the fact that I'm out here trying to catch this asshole when I should be at home with him.

"Morgan seriously you don't know what you're talking about. Do you have kids? No I didn't think so. You don't know how he feels because you're not his mother. I am. You don't have a single thought in your head that would come close to this.. this case and the bigger picture so just do one."

"JJ you get plenty of cases that you take. They all keep you away from your kids so I don't see the big deal. Stop being so dramatic."

"I am not being dramatic. I told you all that we shouldn't be taking the case. It has nothing to do with us. This guy, Angus or whatever, he's going to get caught whether we're there or not so why are we jetting over to assist. There's no need."

"You're being dramatic. He's killing innocent women and you're trying to tell me you don't want to do anything about it. You don't want to help?"

"That's not what I'm saying"

"Look, JJ, I don't know what's wrong with you. Is it your time of the month because you sure are being a moody, selfish kid. I don't care if you don't want to help because you have no choice. I just hope that if it was you that needed help that someone would give you it and not react the way that you are."

"Yeah nice to know. You can leave now. And no I'm not on my period, not that it's any of your business."

Just as I was about to tell him to leave me alone, for the second time, he got up and left. I know it's not fair on him and I shouldn't be taking my anger out on him but I couldn't help myself. He has no idea what that man has done, past and present. I didn't want to take the case because it's personal but they all just couldn't help themselves even after I stated several times that I didn't want us to follow it up. I don't know if I can keep everything from them. It doesn't just involve me but it involves my mum, my sister and my kid. The kid that nobody knows about. My secret child.