TSZ Magazine: December 2016 (Issue #4)

Poetry

by paradiseinalibrary

I'm Fine

I stand on an open field on a cloudy day

on a wire fence next to me hats were laid

I hear a cry come out from the distance

Of course I ran to their assistance

but then I realized that it was just you

and something happened this time that was new

Your face had changed with dark eye sockets and wide black grin

a dark black liquid dribbling from your lips to your chin

All that darkness finally got out

There was not a single doubt

My eyes shot open and I gasped

I saw your smile that held my grasp

I realized it was all just a vision

I was tired of those nightmares, so I made a decision

You know what I've come to realize

after all of your painful and dirty lies

That people don't choose to be bad

they're just broken in pieces and sad

They take all of that concealed pain

and abuse others for their own personal gain

But it makes them feel no better

when inside everything is empty like an unwritten letter

I've tried to help you in the past

but you brushed off my kindness super fast

I've tried to encourage you to do greater

but you always pushed it off and said "later"

Your hurtful words have left a scar on my skin

I couldn't be brave so I let you win

I always felt your towering presence

Judging me and laughing at me like I'm some sort of peasant

I tried so hard to be a good friend

and always tried to make amends

I was always scared to the bone

because the voices wouldn't leave me alone

I talked to a friend of mine who said this was borderline abusive

That you chose to toy around with me for your own amusement

I still see the darkness in your heart

I've always seen it since the start

but it developed into something worse over the years

yet no one but me has seen your tears

You hide behind that "cool face" mask

but I know that act of yours won't last

One day you'll break down

and I'm afraid maybe no one will be around

I know your plans, I've known them for a while

ever since you told me that life is not worthwhile

Your darkness started spreading to me

and eventually I finally saw who you really were going to be

Out of fear and being sick of put down

I left before I could drown

Didn't you hear that if you treated me like a joke

I'd leave you like it's funny and let you mope

but it's not your fault you poor child

After all the horrific things, you still put on a fake smile

Do you see what I mean?

And why I am so keen?

The one who hurt me feels miserable and furious

I guess that's why I was so curious

How could one hate so much?

It comes easy when voices in your head tell you to stop eating your lunch

I thought I could help, give a hand to reach out to

but how on Earth could I help you with your terrifying views?

I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart

that one day when someone lends you a hand to be smart

to take it and let them help you

and start something beautiful and new

I hope that one day those dark thoughts leave your head

and have happiness and peace instead

Even after all you've done

which clearly can't be undone

I still wish you all the best

I hope your future is blessed

I know you'll never see this but if you do

Just know that I forgive you 

by @pegendeavor

Hide (from The Ace Pan)

He screams like a dictator

For he rules the land

He roars at the woman named Mommy

My legs turn to sand

I want to run

For not all abuse is by the hand

His words come from a gun

My last name feels like a cattle brand

I run up the mountain of stairs

For I will be shot if I stand

I run away and do not listen

For to be perfect I must withstand

I must hide in my room

And pretend not to hear

The bullet words

A single tear

Runs down my cheek

I shut it out by pretending books are air

I can not tell anyone else

For innocence is beauty like a deer

My only voice is with people I do not know

I hope those people really care

My hands claw out for sanity to grab

I am stuck in myself, it is the only way to bare

Abuse is the word, direct or not

He is my burden I have to wear