The Criminal's Eyes - Daniel Howell

Chapter 14

I don't know what makes me run, but I just do it. I need to get out of there.

As soon as the last word has escaped his lips, I'm off. I sprint out of the courts and through the gardens, not really noticing where I'm going. I need to think.
As I run to wherever my legs are taking me, I rack my brains - where to go? After about thirty seconds of panic, confusion, worry and a mixture of a hundred other emotions, I decide to find the bush where me and Dan were last night, it's the most secluded and private place I can think of right now.

I stop running to see where I am, and manage to navigate myself to the spot. Our spot. I sit down, resting my back against the greenery and taking my ponytail out to rake my hands through my hair. Last time I was here, none of this mattered, just me and Dan.

I know it's barely been a day but I begin to miss him so much I feel an ache in my chest. I miss his musky aroma, the way his hand fits in mine, the way he rests his head on my shoulder and takes me by surprise. I miss staring into his brown eyes, getting lost in them, the taste of his lips and when he presses his forehead to mine and we just stay in the moment. I miss the feeling I get when I look at him and have hope, as if this mess can work out somehow.

And yet, despite all this, my head keeps telling me I need to focus on what happened with Phil, as this may be my only thinking time. I mean, what can I say? He said he's in love with me... Ugh, fuck. Now, by being with Dan, I'm not only hurting my mother and Lady Lester, but Phil too... and basically every other Lester... "I don't want to break his heart!" I say out loud, as if saying it aloud makes it official. "He's a nice guy. I wasn't sure initially about what I felt for Phil, but now, looking at how much I miss Dan, there's no way I like Phil anywhere near as much as I love Dan" I reason with myself.

Wait.

Bibbity bobbity back the fuck up.

... I didn't just say... The L word.

Oh my God, I did. I'm in love with Dan Howell... am I? I mean, for all I know it could just be because he's the first guy I've liked. I come up with other excuses, but I know I'm just trying to convince myself, and I'm failing at it.

"Great job, Kira, you've managed to fall for one of the only people you shouldn't," I grumble, kicking a stone away as if releasing all the pent up feelings. Why couldn't I have just fallen in love with, I don't know, a banker or something. Called John Smith, none of these Lester V Howell problems.

After a minute or so, my mind drifts back to last night, on the balcony. "Look for the signs"? What signs? That could mean anything. I let my thoughts circulate for a moment before I remember Phil, things are going to be so awkward now. I decide to be civil, and to walk back to the tennis courts to set it straight.

"Phil, I'm sorry, I just want to be friends," I rehearse as I walk back to the other side of the grounds. "It's not you, it's me,"... Nah, too unoriginal. "My heart belongs to another" too dramatic, plus no way am I telling him who. I settle on something along the lines of "I'm not ready to fall in love, I hope we can still be friends," when I see him on the bench, head in his hands. It looks like he's crying. My heart breaks a little.

I walk over, back through the gates and over to him. "Hey, Phil..." I begin. He doesn't look up. "I'm really sorry about running off like that, I was just a bit intimidated. I haven't been in love before," - LIE - "and I just don't think I'm ready to be in love yet... you're an amazing guy, honestly, and I know we can become closer over time" - lol no I like Dan - "but... can we please start out as friends?" I say, feeling guiltier with every white lie sprinkled in there. I step closer to him, he's still not lifted his head up, and I wonder if he'll even accept my shitty excuse and apology.

Suddenly, he stands up so fast I don't even see him, his arms lunging towards me, and I'm too taken aback by his sudden movement I forget to move out of the way. Before I know it my back is to him, and he's pinned up my right hand against my back, my left wrist firmly in his grasp. I can't move, he's got me in a locked position.

"Oh, Kira... look what you've gotten yourself into..." he says into my ear leaning his head over my shoulder, chirpy demeanour gone, his voice suddenly deeper and eyes clouded with darkness.

"What?! Phil, let me go, this isn't funny. You're hurting me!" I say, wondering what happened to the Phil from the kitchens last night. Wondering how he changed so suddenly and how I can get out of this.

"I gave you the choice to become my girlfriend off of your own will, it's a shame I'm now going to force you," he says, tightening his grip on my wrist and twisting my skin around, giving me a burn.

"Wh-" he cuts me off by sending my arm higher up my back, stopping me with the pain.
"Only speak when you're spoken to," he says indifferently. Now, we're going to go inside, and tell everyone we're dating. And you're going to smile and act as if nothing happened." he explains.

"And if I don't?" I say, trying hard to get out of his grasp.

"You'll face the consequences."

----------------------------
A/N: dang Phil pulled a Hans. (I love that phrase I'm gonna use it in the Fic 😂)

I teared up at the description of how she misses him because I actually wrote it about my boyfriend who's been ignoring me for about two weeks now and I'm really worried kms

I've updated this every day for a week dang daily updates I need a pat on le back

A big thank you to everyone reading this piece of crap, 180 (I'm pre-writing this so rn its at 180 reads) may be nothing compared to some people but it's irrevocably so much to me. Much love. 💕

---
HA ITS LIKE FOUR DAYS SINCE I WROTE THAT^ AND MY 'boyfriend who is ignoring me' IS NOW MY EX WHOOOO