Frerard DD/lb Oneshot Book

One: Insecure

(bulimia trigger warning!)
*Gerards POV*

I sat on the counter as my daddy poured lemonade into my sippy cup. When he finishes he hands me the cup and I open my mouth and let my paci fall so I can ravage this yummy lemonade I made.

After two cups of the goddess juice nicknamed lemonade, daddy told me I can't have anymore or I'll become 'too much to handle because of the sugar' whatever that means.

"But daddddyyyy I want more lemonade." I whined when he refused to crack and give me more.

"Gee baby you know you get a tummy ache if you have to much sugar. Plus, there's cookies in the oven right now. That's a lot of sugar baby." Daddy says in his dumb 'you know I'm right' tone of voice. Which yeah okay he's right but he doesn't need to know that he's right.

"Hmph" I mumble before sticking my paci back into my mouth. Dumb daddy. Why's he got the ability to always be right? Why can't I have that ability?

Daddy chuckles before rubbing my head like he's petting a kitten. I stifle a soft moan at the soothing contact and rub my head onto his big hand that reads "HALLO".

"You're cookies should be done in about 5 minutes kitten." Daddy says I'm a soft voice that only relaxes me further.

Five minutes?! I have to wait a whole five minutes before I can eat a delicious m&m filled goody? Aw man that's like a whole hour.

"M'kay" I grumble when he stops petting my hair. He smiles warmly at me, knowing how much I absolutely despise having to wait on food. In my opinion food should just be already made so you don't have to ever make it. Isn't that like a really good idea?

Daddy told me that it doesn't work like that but I don't really believe him. He says someone always has to make the food in order for us to buy and eat it but that doesn't make sense either. When we go to the store it's already made but no one made it! Right?

DING!

Oh boy! The cookies are finished! I race to the kitchen with daddy right behind me.

"DADDY GET THE COOKIES OUT!" I exclaim, obviously super excited but I mean who wouldn't be excited about freakin cookies!?

"Okay sweetheart give me a minute to put the mitten on" Daddy says, grabbing the hand mitten from beside the stove and popping it on his right hand.

When daddy opened the oven a blast of hot air hits my body and I just grow even more excited at the thought of hot m&m cookies!

Once daddy gets the cookies out he tells me I have to wait ten minutes for them to cool down so I don't burn my tongue. Because of all the steam rolling off them I think he might be right again!

After ten minutes me and daddy both get two cookies each and I scarf mine down like I need the gooey goodness to breathe.

When I finish my cookies a wave of disgust washed over me when I think back over how much I've really eaten today. All the calories in the cookies plus the lemonade? How could I let myself be so fat?

Not only have I had the cookies and lemonade but I had a sandwich and fries for lunch too!

Suddenly all I wanna do is throw up. Then throw up again. I rush to the bathroom and lock myself in. I hear daddy banging on the door asking what's wrong. He doesn't know about my weight issue. Mainly only because it's been close to a year since I've purged and I didn't think I should ever have to tell him.

I lean over the toilet and stick two fingers down my throat until I gag. Then I stick them down again until I feel my stomach gurgle. One more time and I'm spilling the cookies into the bowl. One more time and there goes the lemonade.

I hear daddy viciously banging on the door now, asking me what I'm doing and to please open the door. I start sobbing on the bathroom floor. Even though I feel better about being skinny I still feel like shit for even eating that fat filled filth. I feel even worse about relapsing though. How could I? After nearly a year of being clean?!

Eventually I pull myself off the bathroom floor, with sobs stick racking my body, I pull the door open and let daddy in.

"Gerard what the fuck are you doing!?" He exclaims when he sees the puke filled toilet and my tear stained face.

"Frank.." I say softly and immediately he stops talking. In the 9 months we've been together and 6 we've lived together I haven't called him by his name since the first week of knowing each other.

"Gerard... what..?" He says, soft whimpers escaping his throat. "What happened baby?" He finished before pulling me into his strong ink covered arms that I needed so badly to be wrapped in.

"I struggled with... I struggled with bulimia since I was about 17. I've been clean for a year though. Until tonight. I don't know what-" I cut myself off with a sob that hurt my whole body, "I don't know what came over me I just had so much sugar and then my brain started adding calories and before I knew it I couldn't stop myself." I finished before beginning to sob again.

"Oh baby. Sweet baby boy. You never ever need to worry about your body with me honey. Honestly. You'll be perfect to be whether you're 400 pounds or 80 it doesn't bother me regardless. Please baby don't ever do this again. When you feel the urge to, talk to me. Get it off your chest and I'll do everything in my power to make you see how honestly beautiful you are, inside and out. I love you." He said, holding me even tighter then before.

His words had me a sobbing mess by the time he was finished with them. Snot running down my face and spit down my chin I tried my best to say 'I love you too' but it came out more of a jumbled mess.

Eventually I calmed down enough to be able to talk and the first thing I said was "Thank you, Frank. Thank you so much for fucking everything I love you to the moon and back."

He just smiled at me, tears still threatening to drop from his eyes, and said "You'll never know how much you mean to me baby boy, and I refuse to lose you to this fucking disease. We will beat this together. I'm gonna set up an appointment for you with a psychiatrist and we're gonna figure this out I promise you." He said before leaning down and giving my forehead a soft kiss.

I know that this illness isn't an easy one to fight, but with my daddy by my side, I honestly think I could accomplish anything.

Eventually we pulled ourselves up off the bathroom floor and into our bedroom. Frank fell asleep instantly, I know how much crying wears him out, but I just laid there for a minute and silently prayed to a god I don't even know exists that Frank and me never ever lose each other.

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A/N: so yeah. I didn't even mean for this to come out sad but as Frank iero said in a tweet to me, shit happens.