Sometimes It's Hard (Dan and Phil Phanfiction)

Normal

Dan's POV

We brought Phil to the hospital. It took them so long to get his heart beating again. I had a panic attack about the whole thing and had gone home to breathe. After a hour or so, I walked back because my Mom was taking a nap and I didn't want to wake her. I arrived back at the hospital and Phil had woken up a hour or two ago.

"How are you feeling?" I wrote, stroking his hair back.

"I'm feeling okay" he said, his voice a bit raspy from not talking in a while.

"Good... Are you going to school tomorrow? Or not.." I replied.

"I shouldn't, but I want to so I can be with you" he said, smiling at me.

"No, Phil. If it's better for your health you will stay at the hospital." I gently wrote out.

"Dan, they're giving me the choice, and if it makes you happy for me to be at school, then I will go."

"Okay." I smiled and nodded. "We better get back home then..." I was talking to him a lot more now. It felt weird. I hadn't talked for five years now, which isn't a whole lot, but it feels weird after not doing something for a lot of years.I kissed him on the forehead and proceeded to leave with his hand in mine.

We walked back in silence until a car drove up next to us. We stopped walking to see who it was, and as the person rolled down their window, I recognized it as Phil's mum. I started to hyperventilate, but that was just me. I wondered how Phil felt.

"Well if it isn't my faggot of a son and his disgusting boyfriend."

"Leave us alone." Phil said, pulling me along with him to keep walking.

She drove up in front of us on the curb.

"You two are truly disgusting, I hope you know!"

I hadn't taken my medicine yet so I was very prone to panic attacks and I was about to have one, and so I turned to Phil, looked into his eyes and he understood what was wrong. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug while telling off his mum. I couldn't hear anything because I was trying to drown it out, besides her calling me and Phil disgusting fags who will go to hell. She drove away and I had already started to have a panic attack in the middle of it all, so Phil just put his arm around my shoulder the whole way home, telling me it was going to be okay while I was still hyperventilating a bit. I took my medicine and fell asleep on the bed right away.

My alarm started blaring in my ears and I slammed my hand down on the alarm and groaned, slowly getting up. I went to the bathroom to straighten my hair and brush my teeth. I got on the most black thing I could find, grabbed my bag and went to school with Phil, munching on an apple along the way.

I reached the gates and heard the normal taunts of the school kids. We reached our first class, and some how, everything went by as normal. Until I got to my class I had without Phil (even though there were many). A kid who graded my paper wrote at the top of my paper, God says all fags go to hell. Maybe you should kill yourself and get there faster! I stared at it, and asked to excuse myself for the washroom. I rushed there and had a panic attack.

I'm such a fuck up. I can't go one day without having a panic attack.

Maybe I should just kill myself. No one cares about me anyways.

It's not like I matter to anyone. I'm just a self centered little bitch.

I then decided to cut for every bad thought I had, ending in a total of 14.

I thought for a longer period of time, then decided.

We got home after school was done, and I hadn't said one word to Phil. We sat on the bed and played some Mario Cart. I knew that he knew something was up with me.

"Dan, did you do anything at school today?" He said, pausing the game. I noticed my sleeve had rolled up because my arms had been at an upwards angle. I nodded slowly.

"How many?" He asked, holding me.

"Fourteen." I replied, I knew he would be mad.

Don't think he cares. He is so mad at you for doing this. He thought you were doing a little better, the slightest bit, and you fucked it all up you twat.

"Aww, Bear." He kissed my arm and we layed down in the bed, and just took a little nap. I woke up before he did, and I began to think.

He is so mad at you.

Why do you continue to do this to him?

Why are you like this?

You're just one big idiot who Phil stay's with because his mom kicked him out.

You cuddled with him, which made him get kicked out.

You caused this.

You caused his life to get fucked up.

You're just one, big, FAGGOT.

YOU FUCK UP.

I slipped out of bed and grabbed a belt from my closet and went to the bathroom. I also grabbed all of my pills and a glass of water. I cut some and I stood on a stool in the tub with my belt tied around my neck. If this didn't work, the pills would.

Phil started banging on the bathroom door.
"DAN? DAN ARE YOU OKAY?" He said.

Tonight.

Tonight is the night I'm going to kill myself.