we stayed over at gerards the night before. we fell asleep just as the last episode of stranger things ended. it took a while but we binge watched the entire series
today is my mother funeral but after talking with frank he agrees that i dont have to go if i dont want to. ill pay my respects to her grave one day when my entire family isnt there.
the only thing going today will accomplish is getting a shit ton of hate from my whole family.
frank is still asleep and im currently in the kitchen with gerard and mikey as gerard names off cereal they have.
"uh actually i think im good. i usually dont have breakfast anyway" i really didnt feel like eating
"are you sure? we have captain crunch" he said smiling as he poured himself a bowl
"yeah, thanks though"
"alright" he said sounding unsatisfied with my answer "do you at least want anything to drink"
"let him be, Gerard" mikey said
"okay I'm sorry" gerard said back to his younger brother
Gerard took his cereal and went back downstairs and i was left alone sitting on a bar stool at the island in the kitchen.
Mikey sat on beside me with only one barstool between us. i sat quietly wishing the awkward silence would eat me alive
"s-so.." Mikey started to say, i looked up from wherever i was starting off into space
"oh-uh" i stammered
Mikey looked back at his bowl of cereal
"sorry I'm just kinna awkward i guess" i bit the inside of my lip shut up he doesn't want to hear you ramble nobody cares
"no it's fine i get it" he said softly
"th-thank you" and it was back to awkward silence
Mikey seemed like such an interesting person with so much to him. but he didn't seem to talk much so basically everything about him went unnoticed.
i wanted so bad to start a conversation and know about him but i just can't do that, and if he does have anxiety like frank said it doesn't look like he's going to start a conversation unless he has too.
"n-not to bother you but did you want anything? like water or.. uh I'm sorry."
"actually water would be nice i guess" i looked down at my lap. why am i so bad at conversations?
"sure" he stood up and came back with a glass of water
"thank you"
this is awkward. i take a sip of the water, its cold and reminded me of how sensitive my teeth are. i tap the beat of one of my songs on the cold glass of water
mikey clears his throat and i stop. taking that as a kind way of telling me to stop tapping that its annoying him
"wh-what song is that?" he stammered out
"oh- i uh- it, um. doesnt have one yet" could i be anymore awkward? "a name i mean" i dont look up from the glass taking in my stupidity "heh" i take another sip of my water. yup still really fucking cold
"cool. what do you play?" he seemed more comfortable now realizing i was an even worse anxious mess than him
"mainly ukelele, bass and piano."
"oh sweet. i play bass" i know, gerard has mentioned it many times and i may or may not have played one of your bass' one of the first times i came over
i just nodded not wanting to sound creepy. but not saying anything would come off as rude when really i just dont know what to say.
"oh shit" mikey says under his breath
"wh-what?" did i say something? did i do something?
"i have to go feed the dog, h-have you met him?"
"uh yeah" i said standing up after mikey "brownie right?"
"yup" i follow him upstairs where he wakes up the dog and walks him down the stairs. mikey opens the fridge and pulls out what looks like stew and heats it up in the microwave with a look of sadness on his face
"he gets stew? damn this dog eats better than me" i chuckle trying to lift mikeys sunken mood
he sighs loudly "yeah well, hes getting old and-" he takes a breath "doesnt have much longer. mom thinks he should eat like a king before.. uh" he said quietly
"oh" i look at the dog and remember how he had difficulty getting up from when he was laying down and his difficulty going down the stairs "im so sorry"
"weve had him eight years this october" he looked down at brownie "its been the best eight years of my life"
i looked at brownie who was looking at mikey. they seemed close, it was actually kind of sweet. the microwave beeped and mikey gave brownie the stew
"y'know" he chuckles still looking at brownie but talking to me "my mom made the stew just for him" he bit his lip and looked at me "sorry. its stupid im just- gonna miss him alot" he pat the dog then turned towards me
"no its fine really, dont worry about it" i tried to smile at him
"wanna go play a video game or something?" he asked changing to subject to something a bit happier.
"sure" this time i didnt need to try. i smiled back at him and followed up to his room.
