Sirius & Eliza ▼ Sirius Black Love Story

TWENTY EIGHT

The room was spinning. The air in my lungs was sparse and my vision was swimming. I barely stumbled into the common room and up to my dormitory before I collapsed beside my bed. 

"Eliza!" Through a watery vision, I saw someone run into the room and their voice sounds like wind in the distance. I felt someone place their hands on my arm but I can't see anything, I can't feel anything. 

"I can't do this anymore." I gasped for breath as I clutched my fast beating heart. I had once read that a hummingbird's heart beats seventy times a second. If it was possible, mine was beating faster. I felt people coming around me, placing a hand on my shoulder, trying anything they could to bring me back. But I couldn't hear them, it was too much, I couldn't deal with it anymore, I couldn't do it anymore. 

"Get Sirius." I heard someone whisper far off in the distance. My heart clutched at the sound of his name but as soon as it came, it passed and I was back to trying to breathe. I couldn't count my breaths or my heart beats or the amount of times that my hand shook each minute. It was catching up to me, everything. The extent of what I was about to do, the amount of work that was going to be put on, the people who trusted me, who wanted to see me succeed and win and would be cheering for me. I felt someone take my hands.

"Lizzy, what's wrong?" Someones voice surfaced from in front of me. I knew immediately that it was Sirius.

"I can't do it anymore." I manage to croak out. He's rubbing circles into the palms of my hand.

"What can't you do? You need to calm down so you can tell me." He was talking slowly, I felt like I was under water. I shook my head, trying to clear it, trying to bring the sound into focus.

"You need to take a deep breath and breath Lizzy." I heard him try and coach me. It wasn't working. He realized this because he tried something different after a minute.

"Okay, Trouble? Do you remember last year? Remember the play? How you were scared, nervous and panicky? Remember what I told you? Holding you're breath helps. Please try that, for me." He talked very fast. From somewhere else, my brain told me that he was panicking himself. He was nervous, wishing I wasn't acting like this. The sensible part of my brain was telling myself that I couldn't do this, that I had to pull it together and end my little episode. Nothing wrong was happening right now. But the other part of my brain as well as my heart were in shambles, in hysteria and delirium. But I tried for him, I wanted to show him that I was trying. Seconds later I knew I couldn't do it on my own, he sensed it too. The next event took me by surprise. 

He kissed me. A good kiss that lasted minutes, not seconds. Nothing sensuous, nothing passionate, but something behind his front of helping me yearned for my lips. It made me stop thinking about what had happened, what was happening and what was going to happen in a few short days. He took his lips away from mine and brought his forehead to mine. 

"Better?" He whispered. All I could do was look into his eyes silently and nod slowly. There was something that I couldn't quite wrap my head around, it was almost as if his lips were familiar. Like I had kissed him before, but that was crazy, I would never do something that would sacrifice our friendship, or rather what we used to have. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. He returned the favour, burying his head into my neck. I could still feel the tickling of his breath on the nape of my neck. 

"Me too." He told me when we pulled apart. "I don't want to put you off again, but what happened?" 

"It's fine. I saw what I'm going up against for the third task. I can't believe it, I don't think I can do it. It's too much." I said quietly as we took a seat on my bed.