How to Catch a Fish (ManxMan)

Original Chapter Thirty: Part-time Soldier

[AN: Real quick, and I'm not really sure if this is necessary, but I guess I should probably warn about drug use(?). It's not really drugs, as no chemical substances are used nor does it involve a drug-induced 'high', but still...you have been warned.]

~Chapter Thirty: Part-time Soldier~

"I'm not angry that you keep secrets, Atasah," Nero says, pacing at the foot of our bed, which I have been lying on ever since we returned to the castle ten minutes ago. "It's completely normal for couples to keep secrets. But those secrets are harmless. The truth about your curse, though, is not harmless. It was killing you!"

Crossing my thankfully-unbound arms over my chest, I lean further back into the headboard and carefully avoid looking at him lest I accidentally make eye contact. "It stopped killing me right away and was mostly gone after a week," I contend, keeping my voice strong and steady despite the urge to reach out to him for a hug to assure him – and myself – that everything is fine now. If I meet his eyes and they show as much or more emotion than his voice is, I'm not sure I will be able to hold back, though.

Nero stops directly at my feet, staring at me with an expression of concern that implores me to meet his eyes. While reluctant to do so, I eventually look at his face, but keep my focus on his mouth, which allows me to see his face, but not have to look directly into his eyes. "That's not the point," he disagrees, his lips pursed and brow furrowed with frustration. "Even if you were sure it was going away, an experience like that can leave bad mental scars. You should have seen a therapist – you still should see a therapist."

My lips thin with annoyance, not fond of that idea. "I don't need a therapist."

"Let them be the judge of that," Nero implores as calmly as he can, putting his palms down on the mattress. After a second, he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, reining in his emotions. However, his hand pauses mid-motion before he removes it slowly, narrowing his eyes at me. "Is that why you reacted so strongly to things like cuddling? Did it hurt you not to be close to me?"

When I reluctantly nod, he sighs again and resumes his lecture, albeit with a much softer tone now, "You need to tell me these things, Atasah. I know you did not trust me as much as you do now, but if I had known, I would have gone about things far differently. If I had known, I wouldn't have left you alone so much."

"After the many years I spent with the curse, I could handle a few hours alone, Nero," I dismiss, not wanting him to feel guilty for something that cannot be changed now.

Nero's expression turns sad as he says, "But you shouldn't have to. And, be honest, does it still impact you even though the curse is gone?"

I want to say 'no', and I almost do, but the look he shoots me at my almost-immediate response makes me actually think it over before I answer. "Yes," I admit eventually, thinking of all the times I would actively seek out cuddling or physical contact, even if it was unnecessary. Even now, I want the reassurance of him hugging me; I am just too hesitant to ask.

"Stop doing that," he snaps, shooting me a heated glare. When my expression shows my confusion, he continues, less snappishly, "Stop denying me the chance to comfort you when you need it. As much as you need comfort, I need to know that I can help my soul mate when he needs me to."

Oh...

As he finishes talking, Nero joins me on the bed with his back against the cushioned wall and pulls me over until I am half on top of him. The cuddle position is awkward at first, but becomes more comfortable as I relax. I am a little startled when he starts taking off his shirt and tugging on mine, expecting things to turn sexual, but he instead just maximizes the skin-to-skin contact before leaning back against the wall once we are both shirtless.