somnium

nineteen.

He arrived in Piper's bedroom to find the room dark. Piper was clearly trying to make it without having the lamp on the entire night.

She was sitting on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs. She was rocking backwards and forwards slightly, her eyes fixed on the wall opposite her.

"Piper," he said, greeting her. He sat down cross-legged at the end of her bed, making sure to take off his shoes before he did so.

"Hey," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you again..."

"You know I'd be here anyway, even if I wasn't visible to you."

"Yeah..." she said, laughing uneasily. "Look, I know it's a silly thing tonight..."

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"Don't you already know?"

"I do, but I also know it makes you feel better to talk through it, so I've chosen to take that course of action."

She smiled gratefully. He had no problem seeing her in the dark, but he knew she couldn't really see him. He took the opportunity to watch her for a few moments. Most people would only see someone who, from the outside, looked somewhat unhinged. He saw a battle raging inside of her.

She took a deep breath, before beginning.

"I've just felt really bad today. I feel...dizzy? And I don't know how to explain it exactly but...my head feels...stuffy? Like it's filled with cotton or something and I can't think properly and my responses to things are sluggish..." She shook her head. "I'm probably just overreacting...I just can't help but worry every time something feels out of the ordinary."

He smiled gently. "It's alright," he said. "And, to comfort you...It's probably just the fact that you didn't really sleep last night. Exhaustion tends to slow responses and can make you feel dizzy."

She laughed tensely, sounding embarrassed. "Ok," she said. "I'm sorry. Me getting anxious over nothing...what else is new?" She buried her face in her knees as her laughter turned to crying. "And now the crying thing...Bloody hell."

"It's ok," he said. "Really." He sighed. "I don't mind coming to keep you company," he added, after a few moments. "Actually, I'm starting to somewhat enjoy it. It's quite...different for me. I don't normally have anyone to really talk to."

She wiped her tears away, sitting up a bit straighter. "Really?" she said, incredulous. "You actually don't mind?"

"Would I lie to you?" he said, by way of an answer.

She smiled shyly, glancing up at him and then quickly looking back down at her lap. "So..." she said, after a few moments of comfortable silence. "How was your day?"

He grinned, amused at her question. "The same as usual," he said. "Not much changes." Until you saw me, he thought, silently. Until you unhinged everything about the way I've done my job in the past.

"Must get pretty boring..." she mused. "I mean, in theory, it sounds exciting to be able to basically travel around the world and play a part in people's stories. But I have a feeling that it gets old after a while...I mean...seeing people living out their lives...growing old, finding love..." She shrugged. "Sorry to be depressing but...how does that feel?"

He let out a breath, folding his hands in his lap and looking down at the bed. He'd thought about it a few times before, but not recently. Sometimes it had saddened him to see years pass in people's lives...to see them get a promotion at work, get married, have children...All while he stayed in essentially the same place. The only thing that changed was the people he saw. Otherwise, it was the same, day in and day out. Time passed, but he didn't get any older, didn't look any different, didn't get to move along with the passing time. He breathed in, forcing a smile. "Lonely," he said. "Sometimes. But for the most part, I've made my peace with it."

She tilted her head sideways, as if trying to analyze him, or judge whether or not he was telling the truth. "Were you always...I mean...Have you always been Fear?"

Fear allowed himself to travel back through the years. Faces of people he'd known blurred together in his mind. It had been so long...He'd almost started to forget things...

He forced himself to smile once more as he unfolded his legs and stood up from the bed, stretching. "It's started to seem that way."