Author's Note: Okay so here's another chapter, also I know this seems like it might get kinda explicit but it doesn't really so don't worry :) (or sorry if you want that ;p ). Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!
Something isn't quite right between Charlie and Finn Friday afternoon. They're both sitting on the floor in Finn's living room, hunched over text books. It shouldn't be any different to their usual study sessions, but it is. There's no exchanging of words, no shared smiles, it's like they've stopped being them and started being Charlie and Finn, two completely separate people, a world away from where they once were.
"Are you pissed at me?" Charlie asks.
He can't take it any longer. He hates the way that everything has changed and it all feels like his fault. He hates that it has to be this way, he hates that his mind can't seem to make itself up. He hates his indecisiveness and himself. He hates it all.
Finn sighs.
"Of course I'm not, I just don't see why you want to go home."
"I don't want to, I need to. I think it'll be good for me."
"You think that seeing your abusive, homophobic, asshole of a father will be good for you?"
"Yes," Charlie replies, his voice surprisingly certain, "I can't keep on ignoring him forever, I need to sort everything out, one way or another, once and for all."
Finn pauses, chewing his pen beneath his lips as he considers Charlie's words.
"I guess I just don't want you to leave."
They both know that Finn's not just talking about Charlie going home tomorrow. It's about so much more than that; it's about what's going to happen when he comes back. Finn can't help but think that they've managed to take so many steps forward and now they're about to go right back to where they began.
"I won't."
"Don't make promises you might not be able to keep."
Charlie doesn't say anything else and the silence returns. Charlie desperately wants to fill it but he doesn't know how, everything he seems to be saying just seems to be making things worse.
So he simply links his fingers with Finn's (which admittedly makes studying a hell of a lot harder) and lets the pad of his thumb gently stroke along Finn's skin.
"I like you," he murmurs, "I like you a lot."
Finn doesn't look up from his textbook but his face does light up with a smile.
"I'm sorry," Finn says, "I mean I guess part of me kinda gets why you might want to go home, you need to sort things out with your dad and I'm just being selfish. I just don't want you to go home and start thinking this whole thing was a bad idea, you make me so damn happy Charlie, fuck, if you ever decided you didn't want this anymore I'm not sure what I'd do."
In moments like these Charlie sometimes can't help but picture Daniel's face. Like a little reminder of the terrible things that Charlie has done. Because it doesn't matter how many sweet nothings Finn whispers, or that Finn is saying he doesn't know how he'd survive without him. Deep down Charlie knows that Finn deserves so much better than him, deserves so much better than a boy who just breaks and hurts, who can't help himself from making the wrong decisions, the decisions that tear people's worlds apart, time and time again.
He's not sure he's ready to be something that Finn needs. He's only just coming to terms with being something that Finn wants.
"You'd be pissed off at me," Charlie whispers quietly, "probably refuse to talk to me for a few months, maybe years. And you'd swear that you were never going to get over me, and you'd curse my name to anyone that would listen. Then you'd meet some young thing that wasn't such an utter mess and he'd be cute and like me in all the right ways and unlike me in all the right ways and you'd realise whatever this is was just a dress rehearsal for the main event. And in a few years time we'll meet up again at Matt's wedding or something and you'll be able to tell me that you didn't need me as much as you thought you did."
